I’m not quite calling Bullsh*t, but…

#TheStruggleIsRealGirl PowerHot Mom

I’ve been kind of MIA on Dirty and Thirty lately, and it’s because the one thing I never thought would happen, happened.  I got pregnant.  No, it wasn’t a mistake.  My husband and I never planned on having kids, and at almost 34 (I’ve since had that bday), I was pretty much ok with the idea of living out the rest of my life going on vacations with him and living vicariously through our friends’ kids.  Admittedly I was a little worried about who would take care of us in old age, or I daydreamt about what our kids would look like, but neither of these are good reasons to bring a life onto this planet.  Well, I won’t go into details about why we changed our minds, but minds were changed, and a couple months after we started trying, there I was, staring at the plus sign on the pee stick.

At just about four months in, it still doesn’t quite feel real.  Perhaps it’s because I can’t feel the baby kicking yet, or because I don’t and never did have that biological clock thing that almost every other woman on the planet gets.  I don’t know quite what it is.  I’ll tell you one thing though, I’m wondering where the heck my one thing is that I looked forward to the most…eating whatever I wanted.

Before pregnancy, I ate a very healthy diet.  I lead people on cleanses and have tons of wonderfully impressive stories from my participants.  I was and still am active physically, teaching yoga, swimming and doing other things.  About a month after getting pregnant though, all my desire to eat kind of went out the window, and what little I was able to tolerate was not even relatively healthy.  I found myself eating pizza or organic Trader Joe spaghettios knock-offs, or whatever other random thing the baby craved.  On top of that I could barely eat anything in one sitting!  I was eating smaller portions more often, which helped me lose a little weight, but that’s not exactly the goal when you’re pregnant!!  In fact, I’ve struggled to gain any weight.  So where is my appetite and demand for crazy items from my husband at all hours of the night?

I’m finding that the pregnancy depicted on TV and in movies is not necessarily what you get.  I’m not sure why I expected that either, because each of us is unique.  When all is said and done, I’m sure my appetite will balance out, or I hope so.  What I have gained from this experience is the reminder to not beat myself up.  It’s hard not to worry about the baby, but I’m taking great high quality whole food prenatal vitamins and fish oil pills, so I’m sure s/he will be fine.  I can’t be perfect all the time, and it’s mainly out of my control.  Not being in control has always been a challenge for me.  Now add to that a bigger belly, guilt for not eating the way I normally do, and all the normal worries of a mother to be, and you have a recipe for…learning and transformation.

So maybe I don’t get to eat whatever I want, but I do get to make my pregnancy whatever I choose it to be.  So unlike Elizabeth Banks’s character in What to Expect When You’re Expecting, I’m not completely calling bullsh*t on pregnancy.  While there may be some bumps along the way, ultimately the payoff is worth it.  When we can turn it into a chance for self-growth and learning before baby even arrives, we can fully revel in the beauty and magical experience that pregnancy truly is.  Now pass the pizza and the prenatal vitamins…I’m going to enjoy this time of reckless abandon, however it shows up.



Follow Jen on Twitter: @jenyocum and @chinesecleanse

Jen Yocum
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