Recently, my best friend joined the online dating website Plenty of Fish (POF). She’s new to the online dating community and over dinner and drinks, vented to me about her experience so far and how difficult it has been to find a decent man online. I listened to her talk about the guys she was talking to and as she described her conversations, I could literally pick out several things that SHE was doing that were setting her up for failure. Not that I’m an expert on reading men, but I have had more online dating experience than I care to admit. I met my best male friend on this same site as well as the love of my life. Not everyone I met was a winner though, but through 3 years of online dating experience, I learned several unwritten rules for success. These rules have certainly helped me and hopefully will help everyone struggling with the world of online dating too.
The 7 Cardinal Rules of Online Dating if you Want to Succeed:
1. Do not respond to guys, no matter how cute they are, if all they can come up with to message you is “Hi, how are you?” This lacks any sort of creativity, any thinking and shows that they most likely didn’t even read your profile. If the guy is really interested in YOU, ignore this lame message and eventually he will write again.
2. Do not continue talking to guys who bring up sex right away, especially in the first message. These guys run rampant on the free dating websites. They will message dirty pickup lines or ask you flat out to meet up for a hookup. Even after a few conversations, if they ask you if you enjoy sex or start flirting in a seductive manner, this too is a red flag. This should show you that the guy isn’t looking for anything more than a hookup, but it seems like women think they can change that or don’t realize it. Ladies, come on, stop being so stupid!
3. Actually read the guy’s profile. If you’re on the site looking for an actual potential relationship, you should ALWAYS be reading profiles and make sure the guy has his shit together. Does he have a job? A car? Does he have his own place? If any of those answers are “no”, run girl! “Oh, he left his job because he wants something better.” Stop making excuses for men, especially when you don’t even know him! At this age, a man should have a job, even if it’s menial.
4. If he seems to good to be true, he probably is. If he says all the right things, his picture looks flawless, he has the perfect job, an expensive car, odds are, he’s lying about something. In particular, guys who brag about having money usually are lying or are lacking in some other area of their lives and trying to compensate. There have been several occasions where I met someone and he looked nothing like his photo. Looks aren’t everything, but then you have to wonder, what else did he lie about?
5. Avoid guys who ask to meet too soon. If you literally just started talking and he’s asking to meet in person already, stay away. What do you know about him? Absolutely nothing. It sure sounds like an intelligent idea to meet a complete stranger somewhere…yeah right! Take some time and let him know you’d like to get to know him better first. If he keeps pushing to meet so soon, stop talking to him. He’s not respecting you or how you feel about the situation and that’s already a big red flag.
6. Drop him if he is being weird about adding you to his social media page. So you find him on Facebook and send him a friend request. Now it is about a week or so later and you know he has to have seen your request. This seems to me like a blatant red flag; however, women seem to overlook it and say, “he’s busy with work”, etc. If its a site he uses regularly or he’s already made up an excuse as to why he still hasn’t added you, he’s hiding something. Don’t stick around to find out what, because it’s probably a girlfriend.
7. Don’t act bat shit crazy! I really don’t understand why girls freak out on guys that don’t text them back after a date or when he isn’t talking to her anymore/as often as he used to. Please ladies, take this as the man’s subtle hint he’s no longer interested. By “calling him out”, you just look like a complete psycho. He couldn’t care less what you have to say if he’s not into it and you’re just further proving to him he made the right choice by not calling you again. You need to understand that unless you are official, he has every right to not call and do whatever he wants. Maybe you went out on a date and he hasn’t called/texted since…so what!? That doesn’t make you a couple or make him obligated to call. Don’t start making up excuses for him either, like “he’s working a lot”. If he was interested in you, no matter how busy, he’d text.
I am positive that by following these rules, online dating will be a much better experience for you. I happened to use POF when I wasn’t all that interested in dating and it really helped me to weed through the losers and only talk to guys that I could tell were interested in me as a person and not just a hookup. I know that isn’t the most common mindset for women using online dating sites, so the best advice I can give if follow your intuition and use good judgement. Also, as lame as it may sound, I really recommend to women still looking for Mr. Right to read the book “He’s Just Not That Into You” by Liz Tuccillo and Greg Behrendt. I promise, it really has a lot of good info!