Should You Play Hard To Get With Guys?I can’t say for sure the exact number of my female coaching clients who have told me they have played “hard to get,” but it’s a large percentage.
The client usually tells me she did this because she is confused that a guy has stopped contacting her or hasn’t asked her out yet. She thinks she has done everything “correctly,” by playing “hard to get,” and is baffled that her crush isn’t blowing up her phone and dropping by with flowers but is, instead, mysteriously silent and absent.
Ladies, I’m going to keep my Dating-Coach Hat on and I’m going to level with you as a man at the same time. Playing “hard to get,” most of time, will make it hard for you to get a date and especially to get a boyfriend. It will leave you lonely on Friday night and dateless for your cousin’s wedding. Why? Because contrary to popular belief, guys hate when you play any game with them, but we especially hate “hard to get.”
Think about it. It’s not exactly easy to meet people who connect with us. When we finally do, we must risk the confidence-crippling sting of rejection and it is nerve racking to say the very least. Some of my clients might even have a clinally classifiable level of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder from so much of it. No, I’m not kidding.
Since the burden is on us most of the time to ask you out, we look for any clue from you to encourage us to put our heads on the guillotine of the dating world by asking you on a date or going in for the kiss. All of our past rejections taunt us and remind us of how completely humiliating it is to be turned down. Do you really think you’re going to attract us more by making things even more difficult and frustrating for us? Do you think we’ll be anxious to try if you are acting like a rejection is likely? No. Nada. Not even a little bit.
Forgo the head games. You don’t need them first of all. If we have approached you, started a conversation, are texting you or are reaching out to you some other way, we are interested in you, okay?
What’s more the head games don’t work. I talk to a lot of people about their dating experiences in my business, so this is not theory for me. The women I talk to who get the man are direct up front and then let him take it from there. Most women tell me they want the man to make the first move and all I’m suggesting you do is give him the green light to do so.
What do I mean by being direct? It’s not complicated or too forward. I usually coach women to employ one of two approaches. These two approaches are the fastest way to get out of your own way and to show him the way.
The Assumptive Close
You want a certain man to ask you out and you’re pretty sure he’s interested in you. Save both of you the misery of him not asking you out because he misinterprets something you say or don’t say as you not being interested. Start by asking him to tell you some things that he enjoys doing. When one of them sounds remotely interesting or would be a good way for the two of you to get to know each other more, ask him if he thinks you would enjoy it, too.
At this point most guys will say “Yes,” and then ask you if you’d like to go sometime. The ball is then in your court to playfully say, “Gee, I don’t know, when did you have in mind.”
Others might stop at “Yes,” or say they don’t know. That’s when you say, “I think I would enjoy it, but I probably won’t go.” His couriosity will lead him to ask “Why?” Then you can say, “Well maybe I will after all. What day/night did you have in mind?”
One other way to answer when he asks why you said you probably won’t go is, “Because I’d prefer to go with someone who has already been who can show me around.” He’ll likely get it and it should be smooth sailing from there.
The Clear Close
This method is like ripping off a bandaid. It will save you both a lot of grief. You want a certain man to ask you out and you are pretty sure he’s interested in you.
To his face or in some digital message say, “I think you are a handsome, intelligent man and I’d really like it if you asked me out some time.”
Don’t Be Hard To Get
If you think he’s a good catch, give him a clear and simple path to you. It’s the ones who you aren’t interested in who you want to repeal.
Using one of the methods above will give him the confidence and clarity to make the moves, send the flowers, and even commit when it’s time. He’ll appreciate that you didn’t attempt to mess with his mind. With all the misguided women out there who think they’re supposed to play “hard to get” and then hope he figured it out, you’ll stand out as a breath of fresh air.
Playing head games like “hard to get” will just make it hard to get a man.
Guest Post by Lee Wilson
Coach Lee helps people get their ex back after a breakup. More resources on reuniting with an ex may be found at his website https://myexbackcoach.com.