I have never been a fan of the saying “if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.” For starters, it seems that there are extremely sexist undertones when telling a girl to just shut up and be nice to everyone, further perpetuating this view that women should be lady like, and good, and not have premarital sex, but then magically be a wondrous, cookie baking, toilet cleaning, super hot, non nagging, loves-to-clean-up-after-others, sex god as soon as she finds some schmuck to tie down.
No. Just no.
I have never been one to hold back my thoughts; now this isn’t to say that I have no censorship in certain settings, but in general if something makes sense to say, and isn’t so brutal that it will hurt or ruin a relationship, I feel absolutely comfortable — nay, obligated — to speak the truth.
And this is how I met the love of my life. My husband has a similar characteristic, although he tends to hold back his sarcasm and overall destain for more private settings. When we first started dating and we discovered this beautiful commonality we began making bets on our friends’ and loved one’s relationships. Not limited to: their next rebound, whether or not one spouse would have an affair in 5 years, whether the wedding would ever actually happen, and of course, if they would get divorced. Many of our bets are still pending. As this progressed, we soon started to have underlying comical relief at their expense, often times, to their face, without them realizing it.
Then, we had kids… and we started a whole new game with our children. Not only do we make fun of them behind their backs, we also make fun of them to their face. And it’s wonderful.
The wonderful thing about this entire charade, is no one ever knows we have bets on them, and no one knows that we spend time thinking up ways to laugh at our children.
This isn’t to say we don’t love and adore children, and that we won’t don’t do all the same soccer-mom parenting bullshit as all the other parents out there. We just have a good time doing it together. Are our children our comedic relief every single day? No, of course not. We have plenty of friends that we are cashing in our bets on their divorces, DUI’s, and marital counseling over gender specific household chores, that provide enough laughs for a lifetime.
Confession: Mean-ish Jokes between my Husband and I