Ah – the awkward task of “remaining friends” after a breakup.  Worst idea ever, by the way.  Yeah, yeah, I know – you still like a lot of things about each other, you still make each other laugh, you have sooo many memories – blah, blah, blah, shut up.  Seriously.  Just stop it.  If you are the person making this argument, you are Person A:  the one who got broken up with and still secretly hopes for a chance to get back together.  There is also a slim chance you are Person B:  the person who did the breaking up, but hopes this will be some miraculous catalyst for change and the other will snap into being exactly what you want (they won’t).  You are definitely not Person C:  the one who has wanted out of the relationship for months and is silently thanking the universe for this newfound and much-needed freedom!

My point is, you can’t jump right into friendship after a breakup.  You just can’t.  At least one person still has feelings, and both are definitely confused.  You think you won’t have anyone to talk to, to go places with, to cuddle you at night.  Give it some time and you’ll realize – you have friends because they like the same things that you do, and it can be really great to have the whole bed to yourself!  You can discover a lot about who you are when you’re a newly single person.  Staying linked to someone so intimately can prevent you from growing, changing, and moving on with your life.  You have to reestablish yourselves as two very separate entities.  Then, and only then, can you make strides towards being friends again… if you still want to after all that.

You might very well find that, sad as it seems, that person is just no longer an integral part of your life.  People come and go though our lives all the time – it is the nature of human existence.  There is nothing wrong with accepting this truth and knowing when someone’s journey has rightfully ceased to merge with your own.

Also…if you happen to be Person C, do everyone a favor and force the other poor bastard to cut loose.  Giving them a glimmer of unreal hope is cruel, and you are honestly keeping that person from moving on with his or her life.  You aren’t helping anyone with your pity, your guilt, or your denial.  Better to have someone think you are a jerk now and thank you later than end up hating you forever.

Amy Horton

Actress, writer, blogger and vlogger living in and loving Los Angeles! I tend towards brutal honesty, but I have a big heart and an adventurous spirit. There are so many things to experience in life. I love writing for DirtyAndThirty.com and I hope you enjoy our website!

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