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Don’t Mind If “I Do”.
by Anyssa McAleer

It’s Official. I Am The Last Of My Close Friends From High School, College And Young Adult Life To Not Be Engaged, Married, Divorced Or A Parent.

With The Exceptions Of My Dogs of Course. I Realized At The Most Recent Baby Shower I Attended That I Look At Puppies The Way Most Women Look At Babies.

I Am Mesmerized. I Imagine All Of The Things We Will Do Together As They Grow.

Long Walks. Playing Catch. Watching Them Make Friends. Pretty Much The Same Thing Mother’s Envision For Their Children.

I Was Not The Girl That Always Dreamed Of Being Married And Having Children Complete With A White Picket Fence.

I Did Assume That By This Point In Time I Would’ve Had At Least Two Shotgun Weddings. And Divorces.

I LOVE The Idea Of Love. Of Passion. The Kind Of Love That Alec Baldwin And Kim Basinger Had in “The Marrying Man”. Which Certainly Carried Over Into Real Life. And Then Became An Enormous Train Wreck.

In Fact Most Couples I Have Fancied Seem To Have Similar Such Patterns. Frank Sinatra And Ava Gardner Used to Get Hammered And Shoot Out Lamp Posts In The Middle Of The Night. They Broke Up More Often Than They Were Together, If That Even Makes Sense. He Even Tried To Kill Himself After Writing “I’m A Fool To Want You”.

SO Romantic.

Perhaps This Explains My Fear of Commitment. I Love Men. I Love The Company Of Men. But Only To A Certain Point As Of Yet. The Idea Of ‘Forever’ TERRIFIES Me.

But Lately, I’m Beginning To Wonder. Is It Really Just Me And My Own Insecurities? Or Is It The Lack Of Actual Connection. Especially In Los Angeles. A City Filled With People Always Searching For The B.B.D. (Bigger And Better Deal. I learned That From The 80’s Film Classic “Hardbodies”).

Whatever The Case, I Still Believe.

There Has To Be A Tommy Lee To My Pamela Anderson.

Wait, What?

There I Go Again.

And Just For The Record, If I Do Get Married, My Husband Is Going To Be Just As Excited As I Am To Have “Love Song” By Tesla Playing As I Walk Down The Aisle.

I Guess The Grass Is Always Greener. Unless It’s Completely Mowed.



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6 Responses to Don’t Mind If “I Do”.

  1. I feel you there, whoever marries me needs to have an M.D.PH.D in neuroscience. So at least if I am anxious or bouncing off of walls because of my ADD/ADHD she bring me home drugs from work and understand my brain on medical/clincal level :)

  2. Ecclesiastes says:

    Dear daughter, forever is not something to fear. It’s something you can count on.

    Yes, it means that there will be horror and humiliation and hurt, but it also means there will be something after all those things too.

    He will yell and you will cry, but it will pass.
    Mistakes will be made, people will die, you will grieve and that will pass.
    There will be long stretches where you feel nothing at all, but you will stay the course because it is just who you are.
    He’ll do that too.

    And ever more in every year that passes, you will hold and be held by one who will be with you no matter what comes, or how bad you mess up.

    You can’t know, and I can’t help you, but if you and he say forever and mean it, the love you will know will dwarf the love you have now as the sea dwarfs a evaporating puddle. You’ll want a new word for one or the other, because calling it love just can’t mean both.

  3. P.s I stopped looking for the grass being greener, I just went to Home Depot and got some astro turf know known as Syn lawn.

    http://www.synlawn.com/ Yes, this is a humorous attempt at finding the perfect relationship, its the perfect lawn all the time with no maintenance, no mud, no bugs. Just trying to brighten your day here by keeping a dry sense of humor :)

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