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Act Like a Gentleman, Think Like a Gentleman
by Luchana Gatica

There are some things I’m not great at. Not many, but some. One thing I have mastered in my 29 years of life, is the ability to walk into a place and get something or everything for free. I believe this trait is hereditary, as I saw my mother be successful at this all of her life. I have walked into a place and had mine and my friend’s $100+ dinners paid for by a stranger. I’ve walked into the MAC Store and been given free lip gloss from the gay salesman for no reason. I have witnesses.

Before I go on, you should know I am one of THE MOST independent women you will EVER meet in your life. I have witnesses.

Now that I’ve made that clear, I’d like to express the fact that I am always so flabbergasted when a guy comes up to talk to my friends and I at a bar and doesn’t offer to buy us a drink. Or worse, walks his trifling ass to the bar, gets himself a drink without offering us one, and then returns to talk to us with no shame in his game. This happens A LOT, as well. I just returned from Vegas, where this was the case more often than not.

I’m not saying I expect anything, but if you are expecting ANY access to my vagina, you have already started off on the wrong foot… And leg. As Steve Harvey has stated, everyone knows vagina makes the world go ‘round. It is ultimately the reason why men are driven to get the job and the success and the clothes and the cars. We are all looking for a gentleman who makes us feel safe. You taking charge and being chivalrous and offering us a drink can make us feel safe. And you know what else? If you came over to talk to us at a bar, you’re obviously hoping for a little more than conversation. So, guess what? The more alcohol you give us, the more appealing you are and the better your odds of getting vagina get.

Furthermore, being a girl is expensive. Do you know how much we spend in life to smell nice and be pretty and soft for guys?  Waxing, makeup, hair products… It’s a lot. So if you don’t think I am worth at least one Stoli and grapefruit (Notice I didn’t say Grey Goose. I’m not high-maintenance. You’re welcome.) then don’t talk to me.

And cheers to the guys with the manners. That is what separates the MEN from the BOYS. I would like to buy YOU a drink.

 

LUCHANA GATICA
www.luchanasvidaloca.blogspot.com
Follow me @luchanagatica

 

Luchana Gatica

I am a 30 year-old comedian/actress/writer and most importantly, dirtyandthirty blogger! I am known for having way too much experience on the single life and making fun of myself.

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4 Responses to Act Like a Gentleman, Think Like a Gentleman

  1. Jay Tinsley says:

    Word. The game isn’t fair sometimes but you still gotta come correct.

  2. Ithinkimgod says:

    Please and Thank You……Now where’s my drink lol!

    Even though I have no problems getting you (not all of your friends) a drink, don’t expect everyone to buy you drinks.

    On top of that………..It’s NOT expensive for you to look good to me. You can get everything that you need to be pretty to me at the Dollar Store. You’d be surprised how well cheap dollar brand aftershave and cologne has worked for me!

  3. Ithinkimgod says:

    And I have a few more words to add to that!

    Unfortunately, you’re attracted to Bad Boys……….and as usual, the guys with manners get stuck in the dugout while the bad boys get to bat first.

    And what makes you think you deserve me buying you a drink? Consider it a privilege when and if I decide to buy a lady a drink. I don’t really expect the keys to your vagina, but if I buy you one (and your friend one so she won’t feel left out), that means that i’ve put a little more faith in the kind of person you are than all the other tramps I see.

    On top of that, how do you know I “bought” you the drink? Chances are I work at or have a deal with the club i’m in. A lot of times I get free or discounted prices on alcohol (but I don’t tell you that), so me getting you a drink isn’t really an issue, but rather if you deserved it or if I wanted to (as you would say) put a few more coins in the slut machine to increase my odds of winning the vaginal jackpot!

  4. Thanks for last line about the guys with manners. I can imagine in Los Angeles those might be few and far between. From my prospective, I have gotten to the age where the vagina is not priority one anymore, I am not an egomaniacal D-bag, I am just happy to have a women accept me as I am for what I am. The vagina is just icing on the cake, for me its that feeling of shared calm and serenity. I don’t even need to access the vagina if she doesn’t feel like it for whatever reason. I am happy just to hold her in my arms and gaze at her eyes and smile. Call it maturing or growing up, I am just at the point where I am not on the plains of the Serengeti hunting the vagina like a lion. I guess I am at a point where its not about killing the lion, its about respecting and protecting it.

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