At the request of a colleague, I sat down to write an advice piece about how you can prevent yourself from getting caught in a personal sex tape scandal. But, you know what? Most of the advice I could give is real scolding, sex-negative stuff, and I’m not about that.
I’ve never made a sex tape with my guy – it’s just not a kink that blows my skirt up – but, I have no problem with people who would. With their partners, I mean. I would have a problem if you made a sex tape with mine. Anyway, moving on…
But, seriously. Why do we care if someone makes a sex tape? If your sex tape goes viral – whether it’s in your office, your social networking crowd, or on the gossip sites – you are not the one who should be embarrassed. Here’s why:
1. It wasn’t meant for public consumption. This was something that you and a partner made to enjoy together. If someone leaked it, they’ve invaded your privacy, the same as if they were passing your diary around. And, anyone who watches the video has invaded your privacy as well.
(Confidential to people who landed here by googling Minka Kelly’s sex tape: that’s pretty creepy, dude.)
2. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s a pretty reasonable assumption that adults in committed relationships are having sex with one another. And, everyone knows that you’ve got swimsuit parts underneath your swimsuit. So, why are we so scandalized when we get confirmation of those facts? While the proper reaction to a sex tape should be to politely ignore it, if someone’s gotta react, it should be with a high five for having an interesting and varied sex life.
3. Usually the shaming is focused on the female partner. While we are far more sexually open than we were in the past, we still have some serious hang-ups about women who have, and relish, sex. We’ve gotta get over that.
Lara Stewart loves to sail, argue, drink good beer, and eat local food from tiny independent restaurants. She’s written online for a number of years; past projects involve a syndicated sex advice column and a trivia column. She studied journalism at the University of South Florida, and really needs to finish those last six credits one of these days. Now, she writes about dating, relationships and sex for Planet Love Match.
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