I think it’s safe to say, for the most part, we all love cuddling in some form or another. I almost feel like I hear people talk more about cuddling than sex! This makes sense. When you snuggle skin-to-skin you release an attachment hormone called Oxytocin which helps you and your partner bond! Hooray!
Well, recently I was working with a client who said she didn’t like cuddling (which happens sometimes because people who are naturally warmer often get too hot after ten minutes of snug time)….and actually avoided it. I wasn’t out to convince her that she should but I wanted to explore more with her. She went on to tell me it wasn’t the snuggling that she didn’t like, it was that her husband would cuddle her and then rub her back. At this point, I’m still trying to follow and find the problem? Who doesn’t love a good massage by their mate? She went on to say that when he rubbed her back, he did so and it felt nice, but he would only rub the same spot, over and over. He never moved around…! The lights immediately flashed on. YES! I could totally relate to her. Not only have I first hand been a victim of the lazy massager but so have other clients and friends I know! For all the lazy massagers, staying in the place where your hand is conveniently located numbs out the area by overstimulation and becomes uncomfortable quickly! Please, on behalf of all the rubbees’ out there, go all the way down! Move around, please and thank you!
I’m here to tell you there are many people out there getting snuggled and rubbed in quiet massage desperation. Yes, you should be grateful to be getting the extra attention from your mate but this is where communication really makes or breaks a situation. She said this had been going on for FOUR years and that one of their main problems was that he complained she wasn’t as affectionate towards him. Do you see how a incredibly tiny tweak can make all the difference?
We brought him in right away and she told him. Of course he was a little embarrassed at first, but more so excited about how easy the fix was! He was so excited, he fixed it THAT NIGHT. I’m not saying all problems are this easy to fix but these are the minuet changes that make a big difference over time. *Also, I will say, we brought him in and used a little humor in her approach and how she communicated it with him. He was not only laughing but said he wished he would have known this a long time ago! Sometimes our needs sound bigger in our head than they are in real life! This is a no biggie!
If you’re in this situation and you feel bad critiquing your mate – don’t be afraid to let out an “all the way down….” or a “oh I love that, other side..” I know it sounds a little demanding but communicating your needs shouldn’t be something you’re shy about. Don’t you want to please your partner? Wouldn’t you love to know what they’d liked tweaked so you’re that much more desirable to them?
Catch me on Twitter @jennatimetweets and visit me onwww.jennatime.com!
Miss Jenna Couture is a Sexuality Educator & Intimacy Coach. She has extensive experience in working with a full spectrum of sexuality issues from sexual desire, sexual dysfunction, and relational issues for couples and individuals.