With Valentine’s Day upon us I decided to watch 500 DAYS OF SUMMER again. Maybe it was the wine but in the middle of the movie I had an epiphany of why I’m still single! I only seem to attract two type of men. The first man is like Joseph Gordon Levitt’s character, Tom, who is determined to find “true love” his “perfect girl.” The second man I realized is Zooey Deschanel’s character, Summer, who isn’t looking for anything serious and wants a casual relationship.
I remember leaving the movie theater after watching 500 DAYS OF SUMMER in my 20’s and wishing I could find a man like Tom who was sensitive, ready to find love and commit to a relationship. After watching the movie again in my 30’s I recognized that Tom didn’t love Summer, he loved the idea of Summer and finding love. Most guys I date now want to find “the one.” I hate to break it to all you men and women but I don’t believe “the one” exists. Instead I’m looking for someone that I get along with and enjoy spending time with. Someone who makes we want to be a better person, I have chemistry with and want to grow old with.
I find that guys who are looking for the one focus so much of their time on this ideal and are continually looking for something better miss the chance to know someone interesting right in front of them. Trust me, I believe we all deserve to find what we think will make us happy and shouldn’t settle but we also need to realize our lives are not a Hallmark movie.
The other gem that I seem to always attract are men who aren’t looking for serious relationships.
Right before the holidays last year; and feeling discouraged with always meeting the wrong men, I decided to delete my dating apps, stop looking for a man and learn to be OK with just myself. Not even a week after starting my new journey I met an Adam Driver look alike. He complimented my leather jacket and asked if he could buy me a drink. It was instant chemistry. Within twenty minutes we had our first kiss.
I quickly learned that “Adam” was blunt and honest from his father passing away when he was young and him leaving home when he was fifteen. On our first “semi” date he brought me soup because I had a fever. On our “official” first date he confessed at dinner how he couldn’t stop thinking about me all week and what we would be like as a couple. I was falling for him fast.
The night before I was supposed to see Adam for our second date I ended up running into him at a bar in my neighborhood. Instead of being excited to see me he was cold and distant. I immediately knew something was wrong. That’s when he confessed he didn’t want anything serious. And that was the end of “Adam.”
Since I’ve moved to L.A dating has become my part time job. I’ve put in the long office hours, evenings and weekends with online dating apps, speed dating, lock and key parties, being setup by a friend and even the old-school way of talking to someone at a bar. Everything I’ve achieved in my life I’ve worked hard for and I always assumed finding Mr. Right would involve the same work and dedication. So now I’m now back to learning how to be OK with just myself.
Happy Valentine’s Day whether you are in a relationship, married or single because you are f’ing amazing! Don’t forget that!