Roses are Red, Valentine’s Day is stupid.

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I’ve never been a fan of Valentine’s Day, even though red is SO my color. Not just because I’m bitter and I’ve been single for nearly 7 years, I just don’t like the pressure. If a girl comes home empty-handed to a guy on Valentine’s Day, it’s all good in the hood. If a guy comes home empty-handed on Valentine’s Day, HOLD ON TO YOUR FUCKING HATS. That’s not fair.


BTW… As I’m writing this, a uterine contraceptive commercial is playing.


Now a commercial is playing. (True story. I swear on my birth control pill.)


Thanks, universe, I get it.


The moral of my story is that I’m happy as a clam. (Is that a saying? I feel like I’ve heard it, but I’m not sure. It doesn’t make sense, but I swear I’ve heard it.)


I know people say that, and (truth be told), I usually want to punch those people right in the larynx, but I really am. I look back on so many douchebags that I’ve dated. Guys that picked the rice off of their sushi (true story), guys that wore really deep v-necks, guys with alcohol problems, and guys with lack of alcohol problems. No thanks.


Instead, I get to have a wonderful life with people I love who make me smile and laugh and have adventures with. I’m really lucky.


When I do get a man in my life, besides the man who lives on the other side of my wall and likes to sleep walk around the apartment and into my bedroom, I will hope that he does something for me on any ol’ day of the year because he wants to. That would mean more to me that on a day where society and Hallmark tell you you’re supposed to. So Valentine’s Day can take it’s pre fix menus and shove them. XOXO.

Follow me @luchanagatica


Luchana Gatica
I am a 30 year-old comedian/actress/writer and most importantly, dirtyandthirty blogger! I am known for having way too much experience on the single life and making fun of myself.

1 Comment

  1. Charley says:

    I always hated Valentine’s Day. It’s a terrible day for people who don’t have a signifigant other.

    I uses to get really depressed most V days, as many people do, but a few years ago my perspective changed.

    I was shy. I finally asked out a woman I’d been coworkers with for years and had a thkng for for 3 years. She said yes and I heard angels singing and thought this was going be be the forst good V day in years and the V day of my dreams.

    Unknown to me at the time, another male coworker also had a thing for her and alsp asked her out.

    She had said yes to both of us. She figured no harm in a date with each of us (at different times of course). I think myself and the other guy would have been OK with that. We’re both nice guys.

    But her friend girl (also a coworker) didn’t like me, or liked the other guy better. Her friend convinced he to break the date with me and keep the date with the other guy.

    I was devastated, but I tried to salvage my V day and sanity by making plans to go 4 wheeling on Mt St Helens with a guy friend. We both owned Jeeps.

    However, he stood me up with zero notice. I called him and he decided to sleep in. What a jerk. My other friend were all in relationships. Couples have no use for their single friemds on V Day. So I knew not to even call them.

    So I left for the mountain alone in my Jeep. It’s very dangerous (like death wish dangerous) to go mountain climbing in a Jeep alone, but I was not in a good state of mind. I wasn’t caring about safety or risk. I was just determined to do my planned activity, even if I had to do it alone.

    Long story short… I got stuck way above the road closure. No other Jeeps or people to pull me out or help me dig out. It was subzero with wind chill. Very windy. Very cold. Numb fingers. Jacket zipper broke. Snow with ice crust on top. Couldn’t walk out. Kept falling through up to above my knee. Injured my knee falling many times.

    I couldn’t walk down the mountain. So I laid down and rolled down the mountain.

    I finally caught a break and had the good luck to roll to a lower elevation where I met a missionary who was exploring the mountain with his family. By this time my knee and other things were sprained, I had beginning of hypothermia, and was maybe a bit shocky.

    Missionary warmed me up (he had heated seats and a good car heater) and brought me home.

    My knee has been messed up ever since (even years later). I’m lucky to be alive.

    I don’t make a big deal of V Day anymore. It’s not important.

    The girl I asked out ended up marrying the other guy. I’m over it. We’re all friends.

    Though it was a bit tough when my sister volunteered me to be their wedding photographer.

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