Why it’s Okay to Want Time Away from Your Significant Other… We aren’t talking about going on a break from your relationship, we are talking about living within a normal, healthy relationship and spending time apart in your day-to-day lives. Some people believe that if they want or need time to themselves or time with others away from their significant other, then their relationship is in trouble. However, that is simply not true. As long as both parties are open and transparent about their needs, it’s totally fine to design your relationship how you wish.
It’s important to remember that within your relationship you’re still you and you don’t always have to be “us.” Comparing your relationship to others can cause problems in understanding the need for “me time” without interpreting it as a red flag. By understanding that self-care is not always the same as relationship care, you can make yourself the best version you can in order to make your relationship stronger.
Your relationship is between you and your significant other, so feel free to design it in the best way that works for the two of you. Wanting time to yourself or time with others away from your love doesn’t mean that you love them any less. Take some trips just for you, watch television shows in different rooms, and spend some time alone with your friends if that’s what you want to do. As long as your spouse doesn’t feel ignored, designing aspects of your life away from them is completely okay. Your relationship doesn’t have to be about spending every moment together, it can be about balance. For some, independence is just as important as quality time spent together. Just remember, it’s your relationship, and it can be designed how you both see fit.
Some couples seem to blend into one entity when they get together, which is great, but you don’t have to spend every waking moment with your love to prove you love each other. When you’re in a relationship, you’re still you, even if you’re now a part of an “us.” If you were a person who liked alone time with your best friend or walks around town by yourself, you can still be that person. You are still you in your relationship and it’s okay to ask for that independence from your significant other sometimes. The key is being transparent about it and to still save quality time with your relationship as well. Find your balance, but know you are still you, not just you and them.
Comparisons have a way of killing relationships. Yes, some couples are glued at the hip. Some can’t stand time away from the other. However, if you or your spouse aren’t like that, it doesn’t mean you don’t love each other every bit as much as those other couples. For instance, some couples keep their finances separate once they are married or cohabitating, and others think that’s crazy. Some couples make plans that don’t involve their significant other, while some couples would never imagine doing that. Some couples sleep in different beds, and others may question their passion for each other. However, if you and your spouse are okay with the time apart, don’t compare yourselves to those who spend all of their time together. Everyone is different and every relationship is different, so don’t compare your relationship to anyone else’s.
You are allowed to take time for yourself in order to practice some much needed self-care. However, self-care isn’t the same as relationship care. It’s okay to go for a drive by yourself to listen to music and think. It’s okay to try yoga or pilates to work on your health and mental wellness. Sometimes self-care and relationship care blend together. A lazy Netflix weekend with your love can be as much self-care as it is relationship care, but some self-care is too internal to share with your other half. Don’t feel guilty about needing that time to focus on yourself. Self-care can be about reading a book with a cup of your favorite tea, getting your nails done, or going for a jog. These things might be separate from your spouse, but that shouldn’t make you feel guilty.
Some people interpret wanting time away from your significant other as a response to disliking them, not loving them, or being annoyed with them. If your other half has those feelings when you want time away, it’s best to be transparent and open about the difference between independence and being sick of them. Compromise and work to make them feel loved and safe even when you want time away. A great way to understand a need for independence in a relationship is that a better you will make you better for them. Stress can manifest itself in many ways. It can cause irritability, body aches, insomnia, and a slew of other things. Everyone handles stress differently. For some, alone time is their way to cope. Taking this time to alleviate stress and practice self-care will help make the relationship stronger. You have to let people cope in the way that’s best for them.
It’s totally possible to have a loving, fulfilled relationship while still needing time away from each other. It doesn’t mean your relationship is on the rocks, and it doesn’t mean you don’t love each other as much as the couples who always want to be around each other. Both needs are acceptable, and both relationship types can create a love that will stand the test of time. When you feel guilty for wanting time apart, or sad that your other half has requested some time away, just remember that your relationship can be designed in any way that works for the both of you. You can still hold onto the “you” in your relationship and not just the “us.” Don’t compare yourselves to other relationships; instead, understand the need for self-care as well as relationship care, and understand “me time” is sometimes necessary in order to be the best you for your relationship. If you need time away, that’s okay, just be sure you also make the time together filled with love.
Guest Post by Chelsy Ranard
Follow her on Twitter: @Chelsy5