The other day, a brand new Dodge Challenger pulled out in front on me on the road. I was immediately envious. It was black and smooth, with sharp lines. I waited until we both were stopped at a stop light, then turned my radio down to listen to the car accelerate when the light turned green. I wasn’t impressed. I thought to myself, “I would have dual exhaust.” I like loud cars. There’s something sexy about it.
For reasons unknown, I then began comparing, in my head, how men are like cars. The first thing we notice are their looks. The Challenger immediately dazzled me with its beauty. I was mesmerized by its shiny outer shell. I realized, this is the way I view men. If they are a beautiful creature, my interest is instantly piqued.
Then, when the car wasn’t loud, as I was expecting, I lost some interest. I compared this to, when said beautiful creature opens their mouth. How do they speak? What is the content of their words? Is there any depth to what they are saying? Like the less-than-impressive noises coming from this car, many guys fail to impress me with their speech. Once you get past the initial “small talk,” there doesn’t seem to be much depth to many people these days. And intentions mean a lot. Are they intending to get to know you, the person, or are their intentions to impress you, dazzle you, then get in your pants?
Finally, I thought of the importance of the way a car handles. I know nothing about this and won’t pretend to be an expert. But when thinking of the order in which we might judge a car – looks, sound, handling abilities, I again compared it to men, in my mind. All of that is well and good – the looks, the content of their speech, but what about the way they handle life? How they treat others? How they make you feel? Of all the ways a guy stacks up in our minds, isn’t that the most important?
I’ve struggled these last few months of singledom with trying not to be shallow. I’ve tried to overlook any initial unattraction to look further, into people’s minds, hearts, souls. To contradict, I’ve learned that attraction IS important, even necessary to a romantic endeavor. However, when truly getting to know someone, the alleged feeling of unattraction you may have, in the beginning, can grow into a much more pure form of attraction when you see how beautiful someone’s mind, heart, and soul really is. This research can also morph an otherwise beautiful creature into a hideous monster. The original attraction of the Challenger’s shiny, black exterior would fade if you discovered it had numerous mechanical issues, no?
I’ve professed that I’m doing things differently this time around, as a single lady. Some of that includes taking the time to get to know someone on the inside before making any decisions or acting on instant gratification which could further complicate things if/when I discover I’ve made a mistake, for myself. As Carrie Bradshaw says, “Isn’t delayed gratification the definition of maturity?” Only a mere four months into the single life, I can say I’m not suffering, entirely, from loneliness, or “time without.” A new kind of self-respect is growing inside me. The more I say “no,” the easier it is. I WILL make mistakes. Say, falling for the wrong man, perhaps. But I won’t be doing something just because I’ve “always done it” or “I’ve done it before.”