Like A Virgin


(Don’t worry, this is not another blog about the fact that I’ve never “gone black.” Incase that’s what you’re looking for, then go here: )


I might be alone on this one, but the longer I’m single, the more I wonder if I know how to NOT be single. Often I look at people in relationships and it’s like I’m hearing a different language. I don’t remember how it works. Would I know how to be in one? Would I be a terrible girlfriend? Maybe (hopefully) it’s just like riding a bike! Luckily, it doesn’t look like I have to worry about that anytime soon. PHEEEEEEEEEEEEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I’ve been in 2 serious relationships in my life, and both guys wanted to marry me, so I guess I used to know what to do. (I certainly didn’t know what I was doing in the sack back then, so I must have been really awesome at daily life… Weird.)


When I think about the fact that I lived with someone for 2 ½ years, it seems like an entire lifetime ago. I spent every day with someone. AND slept in the same bed with him. That is shocking to me now because I like sleeping in my own bed with my own things and not waking up with eye makeup smeared across my cheeks. Out of the 7 years I’ve been single, I’ve only started being okay with spending the night with guys about a year ago, and that’s because I’m getting older and lazier. When I’m within 50 feet of a bed, I’m going to want to catch some z’s, regardless of what did or did not happen in it. Also, ‘The Walk of Shame’ gets more shameful as you get older. You really have to plan your outfit (before you go out with a guy) according to how embarrassed you’re going to be walking past a fire station in it, on the way to move your car for street cleaning at 8 the next morning. You know, hypothetically, of course.


But seriously, how does it work? Do you hang out with the person every day? What happens if you want to kill them? What happens when you want to make out with someone else? What do you do when you eat too much Mexican food and you’re not pleasant to be around? (All still hypothetical.)


I’m no expert, but I’m fairly certain that the answer to those questions is: If it’s the right person, those things are easy to deal with? Bear with me, I’m a relationship virgin.

Follow me @luchanagatica

Luchana Gatica
I am a 30 year-old comedian/actress/writer and most importantly, dirtyandthirty blogger! I am known for having way too much experience on the single life and making fun of myself.

1 Comment

  1. I feel you there, I’ve never been in a relationship either of any great length, (tongue and cheek humor here) this is the great thing about having a plastic plant, you can eat all the mexican food you want, and it does not worry if you had an extra bean burrito.

    I got lucky and had to do the walk of shame once in Venice Beach where no one would notice.

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