Guys Have No Game: A Book Of First Impressions


Guest Blog by: Geoff Keith & Ian Gulbransen. ‘The funniest online dating pickup lines.’

Online dating used to be thought of as a last resort. I’m having no luck in the real world so I might as well head to the Internet. Well, those days are long gone. It seems like almost everyone is on some sort of online dating site whether it’s for a niche group like bikers looking to hook up, Christians looking to mingle and find someone to marry, or just the typical all-in dating site where you’re hoping to find your true match who you can live with in perfect harmony. See what we did there? With the internet comes extra confidence when approaching a member of the opposite sex. How often do you see a guy walk up to a woman in a grocery store and say, “Yo, what up? Your titties are niiiiice! Hit me up sometime.” Unless your grocery store is way more exciting than mine you’ve never seen that happen. But in the online dating world that is only a mild pick up line.

The idea for this book came about when our female friends would forward us messages they had received on whichever site they were a member of. Not only were they some of the funniest fucking things we had ever heard, they were real which makes it so much better. We asked a couple of our friends if we could use their pictures to set up our own dating profiles to see what funny messages we would get. Within minutes our inboxes were flooded. You post a picture with some boobs in a push up bra and every dude online wants to fuck you. It’s science.

We were hoping to get a few funny messages here and there, but to our surprise about 20% of them were hilarious in one way or another. In a matter of weeks we had compiled thousands of funny messages from guys all over the country. We never responded to any of the messages or egged them on in any way to get them to say what they said. Everything you read in this book is an online pickup line. Some are long, some short, and some make absolutely no sense except to make you crack up and thank God you didn’t write something so stupid. Featured pickup lines include:

“Hey I’m Nick…can you call or text me? I’m producing a Tv show that involves a yacht, I wanna know if you wanna be a part of it.”

“Don’t ignore my message… Trust me lol. What you up to hun ;)?”

“Marry me! 🙂 Fuck the bullshit!! lol jk!!”

“I’ll pay to eat u out.”

“How do I find you? I’ll leave right now to pick you up.”

“OMG, you’re like a tea kettle pot you have me screaming.”

You men out there will enjoy this book because it gives you an insight into your competition, or lack there of, and you women will like it even more because you’ve probably been hit up by some of these clowns or definitely heard some similar stuff. So everyone enjoy and stay tuned for more books because we don’t feel this online dating thing is going away anytime soon…

Buy the book Guys Have No Game: A Book Of First Impressions

– Geoff & Ian

Book Excerpts:


Dirty and Thirty

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