A Guide to Girls Dating Girls for the Newly Out


Whether you’re a newly out lesbian or someone who’s just approaching dating age, chances are you’re a little apprehensive about the whole dating thing.It’s pretty normal to be jittery about dating at the best of times, but if you’re new to it and you’re a girl looking to date other girls, well it can be not just apprehensive, but terrifying.

You see, when we’re young, most other relationships we see and the rules of dating we hear about are based on boy-girl situations, and they don’t always apply to gay and lesbian relationships, hence this guide to girls dating girls for the newly out…

Where Do You Meet Girls?

When you’re straight, it’s easy to go to a bar, ball game or even a church and meet lots of potential partners, owing to the fact that straight people are a majority. When you’re a gay gal, it’s nowhere near as easy, unfortunately.

Obviously, if there are any lesbian bars in your town, that’s a great place to start. If you’re too nervous to make your debut at the local gay bar, try asking a lesbian friend who’s used to the scene to tag along with you and show you the ropes. If that’s not possible, bring straight friends along for moral support. Lesbian bars are pretty open and accepting places though, so you needn’t worry.

Sadly, there aren’t always places like that in smaller towns and cities. If that’s the case, lesbian dating sites are a good option, as are websites like Meetup.com, which often have lesbian specific meetup groups. Of course, lesbians hang out at normal bars too, and this is a good place to meet your next potential partner, but when you’re new to the whole dating game, it isn’t often the best place to start because you gaydar might not be finely tuned and you might end up wasting your time flirting with a straight gal!

How Do I Make Online Dating Work?

If you do decide to go down the online dating route, it can be a godsend to gay gals. It’s important that you’re very clear in your profile what you’re looking for. So many lovely ladies have been caught out by girls who are looking for nothing more than a girl who they can convince to have some fun with their boyfriends and them, and a s a lesbian that really isn’t what you’re looking for. You can avoid a whole lot of disappointment by making it clear that you’re a girl looking for a girl and that’s it!

Who Asks Who?

Traditionally it is the men who do the asking on dates. As a lesbian, both interested parties are women. This means that anyone can ask anyone, but when the potential dating situation involves butch and femme parties, it is usual, although by no means set in stone, that the butch party will do the asking. Of course, if you’re really interested and they aren’t doing the asking, it would be foolish to wait around for ever for them to do so. So, don’t be afraid to take the bull by the horns and express your interest in dating her.

Who Pays the Bill?

When you secure a date, with what seems to be a great gal, one thorny issue could be the bill. Although it’s a bit outdated, in many places, it’s still customary for the man to pick up the cheque, on the first date at least. There is no man in your situation, so what do you do?

You could split the bill, and that would solve the problem, but the better way to handle this issue and impress your date is to offer to pay the cheque in its entirety if you are the one who did the inviting. At the very least you should offer to pay the bill, and have the means to do so, even if you date insists on paying her share.

What Should I Wear?

Really, you should wear whatever you want when you head off for that all-important first date. Women are more into authenticity than the average man, so if you feel most comfortable in Levis and a button-down shirt, or you love getting dressed up for dates, so just that! Obviously, you should dress appropriately to the venue, but other than that, there are no hard and fast rules, and you shouldn’t feel pressured to dress in a stereotypically ‘lesbian’ way if that’s not who you are.

What About You-Know-What?

One of the great things about having a relationship with another woman is that shaming people for their sexual choices is rarely an issue. This means that you are free to take the evening wherever you want and do whatever you’re comfortable with in terms of sex. If you want to go ahead and get naughty, that’s absolutely fine, but if you want to wait a while and take it slow, that’s cool too.

As a newly out lesbian, you’re likely to be still finding your feet, and any woman who’s worth dating will understand that and allow you to figure things your at your own pace. If your date isn’t willing to do that, they most definitely aren’t worth the effort. So, do things at your own pace, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Coming out, and dating when you’re a lesbian is a bit like opening a Pandora’s box, but in a good way. You will be free to truly express yourself and do the things that make you happy, So, you should enjoy the dating experience as fully as you can. You’ll probably make a few mistakes along the way, but that’s how you learn to be the person you are and how you get to the point where you’re in a relationship with someone who truly makes your heart sign. Don’t get too bogged down worrying about the details or if you’re doing dating right, be mindful of the above, but just jump in, experiment and have fun. You only get one life, so live it!

Dirty and Thirty

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