We can’t be really sure if the reason for first date sucky-ness is entirely our fault or there’s something cosmic about these first date failure routines. Whatever it is, 99 percent of the time first dates are a true nightmare, no matter how obsessed we are with our partner. In all honesty, we can sit and cry about it and decide to invest in a cat shelter (which we’ll later make a home for in our place, obviously) or get out and do something about it. After all, aren’t we all supposed to be makers of our own destinies? Let’s pretend it’s so.
So, here’s a breakdown of (potential) reasons as to why your first date always sucks. Make sure you understand all the negative triggers and eliminate them.
*Note: we’re singling out things that may have to do with YOU, not him.
Yes, clothes do a person make and there should be no drama about it. Essentially, it’s not about brands and labels, really; clothes are more about who you really are and what you are trying to achieve by wearing your chosen ensemble.
Trying too hard to look good may be a huge turn off for a guy – not because you’re not looking good but because you look too good for that first date. Guys are more into girls that look polished rather than Red Carpet. So, throw away the sequin, 20 inch heels, 50 shades of concealer and that sparkly clutch and opt for something you’d wear on a daily basis. Just add a twist for a hint of drama. For instance, a ripped jean paired with an awesome T and a leather jacket is an absolute score!
Leave the competitive glitter for when you are with your girlfriends, okay?
The worst thing you can do is go on a date with a pre-formed idea of someone; while you may have gotten a hint of who the person is, until you talk to him – you can’t possibly know who you are dealing with. Ditch the Prince Charming ideals and let the guy be himself. Once you are liberated from all the expectations, the date will be perfect! This also refers to your expectations of where he should be taking you, what you’ll be doing and who should be paying. Chill!
Girls love to talk (well, most of us do) and we often get so carried away that we forget we haven’t let the other party say anything for days! Tone down your she neurosis and let the guy talk. Make sure you let the conversation happen, instead of holding a monologue. Engage, laugh, be relaxed. You want him to meet the queen of chill not the witch of babble, right?
Let’s all brainstorm about the idea on how to make a guy want you and, potentially, live happily ever after (there’s nothing wrong with that no matter how Disney it may sound).
Even if everything’s going right you are on a safe path to ruin it if you force things too much. Stop the intensity right away and let the night take its natural course. Don’t force the kiss, don’t force staying longer than you should, don’t suggest dragging things on, don’t (seriously!) invite him over for a drink upstairs! Leave something for later and let him take the initiative. While you may take the initiative at the office and it’s working perfect there, your guy is not your job – stay balanced and sweet.
Instead of obsessing over the guy you’re clearly not working out with, see things for what they are – this one, sitting across from you – is not the guy to be dating. While he may be good on paper, he’s obviously not a paper good enough for your pen. Accept it, get over it and move on. Better chances are coming along!
Reading this, we bet you’ve had a moment of clarity at least three or four times. Good! Keep our advice in mind and let your next date be better than all of those before. Good luck!