I’m not an only child or anything, but I am not good at compromising. I was the only girl, and the oldest – maybe that is part of it. Also, my baby brother was pretty spoiled growing up, so I guess I decided to spoil myself as an adult by being able to have my life how I want it. Living alone the past four years has been heavenly, and I’m not sure I have any desire to go back. The most I’ve lived with a boyfriend was one summer between school years when my college sweetheart stayed at my dad’s house with me. That worked out okay, for the most part, but I was young, dizzy in love, and less set in my ways. After all the countless nights of coming home late, doing exactly what I want, and making as much noise as I want… I’m a little afraid that I might like it to be that way forever.
My friends have long joked that if I ever get married, I would make my husband live in the other half of a duplex. Honestly, what’s so wrong with that? I’ve heard of less orthodox arrangements. Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter live in two separate halves of a house and it works for them!
Even if you don’t live together, though, it’s impossible to escape the fact that you have to compromise in any relationship with another person. This applies even more so to romantic involvements. Maybe I’m selfish, I don’t know, but I find this to be pretty difficult sometimes…okay, most of the time. I’m so used to living the way I want to and spending my time as I see fit. People are always telling you that preferences like this will change when you meet the right person. Obviously you will have an easier time compromising with someone you love, but a relationship is also about accepting another as they are. It’s a very fine line between asking your partner to do what he or she must in order to maintain your connection and asking that person to change. It works the other way around too – no one wants to feel like they cannot be themselves, but love is not easy. Yes, I do want to make compromises for those that I care about. We just all have to know what we as individuals are and are not willing to do. That is self-awareness that only comes with time and life experience, and figuring it all out isn’t very fun.
So perhaps I’ll need a duplex. Perhaps I won’t. I don’t know. I’m hoping the right man will understand me with all my quirks and flaws and love me for them, not in spite of them. I can try to compromise for that.