Guest Blog by By Kailen Rosenberg, author of Real Love, Right Now
Dating authentically means showing up for each date you go on – and every moment of your life in between dates – as your most authentic, genuine self. It means never skewing aspects of your character to fit the mold of who you think your potential partner wants you to be. This is the only way to allow the truth of what’s meant to be to unfold. How can this person determine whether or not he or she is attracted to you if you don’t give them a chance to see who you really are?
Of course, the first step is for you to figure out who you really are deep down at the soul level – this is your authentic self. In my new book, Real Love, Right Now, I walk readers through a 30 day plan to embrace their most authentic selves and then discover who they’re meant to be attracted to and why. Once you’ve done this work, you are ready to begin dating authentically and find the love that is out there waiting just for you!
One of my clients called me the other day feeling devastated because the man she’d been dating had broken up with her. I knew a bit about their relationship and had a sense of what had gone wrong. “But Sara,” I told her, “you weren’t being yourself around him. You were simply acting like the person you thought he wanted you to be.” Her response was something I hear from my clients far too often: “I just wanted him to like me,” she said. “I didn’t want to be ‘that girl.’”
As soon as I hear a woman talk about not being seen as, “that girl,” I can tell she’s not yet in tune with her authentic self. Many women see “that girl” as a female who is needy, weak, and insecure, and ironically it’s often the same women who are most afraid of being seen this way that truly are! They likely haven’t had a chance to reconcile where that neediness and insecurity has come from, so they push it under the rug by insisting they aren’t “that girl.” But it’s only by sitting quietly with themselves and healing from the past wounds that have left them feeling so needy that they can begin dating from a place of security and trust, two important building blocks for any healthy relationship.
When we are in touch with our true selves, we’re not afraid of turning a potential partner off by revealing our imperfections, because we know what we have to offer to the right person. Women who act insincerely to avoid being seen as “that girl” often do so out of fear. This can be fear of rejection, abandonment, or simply being alone. But dating authentically means dating without fear. It takes faith and courage to reveal something ugly or imperfect to a potential partner, but it’s essential to give the person an honest opportunity to either be turned on or turned off by the truth! And it’s the only way to discover if you two are meant to be together.
I wish Sarah had shown up as her true self and given this man a chance to honor and respect the real her, but she’s learned something from this experience and is on the right path to finding a beautiful love with the right partner. You are, too! For more advice about how to heal from past wounds and embrace your genuine self so you can begin dating authentically, pick up a copy of Real Love, Right Now!