Your relationship seemed to be going quite well. Your feelings are running pretty deep, and it’s probably got you scared. After all, you know that if you start thinking about ‘happily ever after’ then things are bound to go wrong, right? So you start digging and probing and pushing, and lo-and-behold you get an argument going. What did you want to happen? Testing the waters like this can always cause a permanent break-up. But it might just give you answers and assurances too. So how can you resolve this major argument now that it has happened?
Getting everything off your chest is usually a good idea. Of course, if you’re at this point three dates in, then chances are all this noise will scare your boyfriend off! There is a real danger that shouting and screaming until everything is out will still leave you no better off. Instead of going forward, nothing is resolved. But at least you’ve said your piece!
Friends are great at dishing out advice, but they can be wary of flipping the coin one way or the other on relationships. They don’t want to give you a bad a call that you should be the one making. Still, they might be good for bouncing ideas off. They can usually tell if a relationship is going to last. Pick up on their feelings if you can, because they won’t be the ones to give you that definitive answer.
If you both know this relationship is worth saving, then you will both make this decision together. New relationships that need counseling might not be worth the time and trouble. But when you’ve been together a while, then why not work a little harder and try to get over whatever it is that is bothering you? Even damaged relationships can be repaired. Still, this is a big ask, so be certain your relationship is truly worth the hard work here.
Sometimes it’s best to get a little distance and clear your head after a major argument. The no contact rule is something guys try to stick to so don’t be surprised if you don’t hear from him for a week or so. We all need time to think about how things got to this point. You might have been having a bad day, or the strains and cracks were already showing. Either way, take the time and space to clarify where you are in life and if there really is room for that particular relationship right now.
Every argument hurts. They feel horrible when they happen, but they also breach that trust that the other person will never cause you pain. Now you’re both smarting from a nasty row. Can you forgive him for hurting your feelings? Can you forgive yourself for causing him pain too? And will you ever be able to let it go, or is this argument going to be ammunition for the next?