Quoted from Sex and the City…
“In New York, you can have a great job, a great apartment and a great companion, but not all three” – Carrie Bradshaw
Is that true?
Is that different in LA?
Who says? Carrie Bradshaw?
A few months ago I was having this conversation with an old confidant. She had a great boyfriend, a great apartment but was lacking on the career side. I on the other hand, had a different two of the three, a beautiful apartment, great career opportunities, but I was lacking in the companionship department.
But the question is – Can you have all three?
Why not Carrie Bradshaw? Well I usually do agree with Darren Starr, but I may have to step up this time and say, “Carrie Bradshaw, you are WRONG.”
I truly believe you can have whatever you want in life as long as you work hard and are realistic and honest with yourself.
In the past I have never really been in a healthy, loving companionship. I always put the man first, dropped everything, lost my inspiration, and choose emotionally unavailable men. I WAS NOT READY. NOT AT ALL. Subconsciously I knew it would not work out. Just as I wasn’t ready for a career up until a year ago. I did not want to deal with the truth. I was too busy worrying about the career I didn’t have that I was not working on accomplishing the career I was capable of. But I fixed that problem. Now I’m mastering the last of the three – A great companionship.
The first one was cake. A great apartment – ’cause it was material. I had control of it. I searched, I found, and I paid for my perfect place. I have lived in my perfect place for 8 years now.
But back to a great companionship. I have fabulous friendships, but up until recently, I was a disaster at dating. I always felt comfort in men who were not emotionally available to me. (Ummm does the book/movie He’s Just Not That Into You sound familiar???) This is probably because I had the most amazing father who was emotionally, mentally, and financially there for me if I needed it. Sh*t, I didn’t need a boyfriend. I could have a man in the sack ’cause my dad would be there for everything else. Well sadly… my father is not here anymore and frankly that was not such a healthy way to approach relationships.
But now that I am aware of my man-relationship-issues, I think they are kinda going away. No, I take that back,they are not going away; I have worked hard and dug deep to find out what I want.
I want someone who I can love and can love me back. That can be there to support me, and me him, but allow both of us to have our own time to make decisions and choices independently. I want someone who calls me on my shit and helps me become a better person. Yes, there are many physical and material aspects I would like with this man, but I will not bore you with them.
I have always been career, career, career. But I guess there does come a time when you are ready for a partner in this world. And if there are any men reading this, I hope you are not freaking out thinking “Wow, this chick is so eager to get into a relationship”…cause that is not true. And if you are thinking that, then you probably don’t meet the criteria anyway ;).
I believe we get tested until we finally learn our lesson. I just remember for years constantly meating (woops Freudian slip), I meant to say meeting men who were not ready to be a companion and they straight up told me they were not. But ignored it and thought I could change them and I jumped right in…feet first.
Then I graduated from that game and I kept meeting men who SAID they were emotionally ready but clearly WERE NOT. Against my woman’s intuition, my better judgment, I dove in hands first to have the same outcome with the early group of men.
Now I am at a point were I see it, I identify it, I straight up tell them I am not going there for XY&Z. Then I feel myself say, “Oh come on Stef…do it for the sex.” I get mad at myself cause they are oh-so-hot men children and I walk away, cry inside for a second because I did not get to have a few fun filled nights with this incredibly hot man to later upset me. I walk away and I smile inside and think…Wowow I am f*cking strong and AM learning. And then I watch some other girl fall into the same traps I used to…
Co-Founder of DirtyandThirty.com. Human/Creator/Actor She loves finding her inner goddess, drinking wine, and you can usually find her on a spin bike or a yoga class 5 days a week. Besides co-founding DirtyandThirty.com, she's an actress and can whip up some fabulous classic cocktails. Although not a fabulous cook, you can find her at the farmers market every Monday and loves to frequent restaurants, bars, and local speakeasies. www.xoStefanie.com - Twitter: @StefSeifer - Instagram: @StefSeifer