It’s baffling to me that men in Los Angeles haven’t yet figured out how to date. After years of observing, experiencing and listening to women talk about what’s wrong in LA’s dating scene, the biggest, most obvious factor is a lack of chivalry and good manners.
I realize that completely figuring women out is an impossibility in the same way that we’ll never fully understand men either (isn’t that the fun of dating?) but when it comes to the first steps, it’s really quite simple. While the general lack of good manners in LA is a topic that I wish more parents would pay attention to, these few paragraphs are just here to spell out what a lot of men somehow haven’t learned yet.
I’m not talking about big over the top gestures (although if nothing else seems to be working, maybe you should give it a try). I’m just referring to the very basic ways of asking a woman out and winning her over. We’re not as hard to please as you think (well, most of us… I do admit there are some women that are just plain crazy. My suggestion? Stop dating those women.)
Step 1 – Ask a woman out and be clear that you’re asking her on a date. Texting her to come to your buddy’s house party is not a date. Suggestions like ‘lets grab drinks” is too vague (I mean, seriously. Is that a date? Or are we just drinking buddies?) If you want to take her out, pick up the phone, dial her number and repeat after me: Hi. How are you? Are you free on Friday? I’d like to take you out to dinner. I’ll pick you up at 8pm.
Now, that wasn’t so hard, was it? (An extra tip: Don’t make it her job to plan an evening that you invited her to. I hate when a guy asks me out and then follows it with “so where do you wanna go?” Ugh.)
Step 2 – Show up on time. Dressed nicely. In a clean car. I don’t think I can be any clearer than that.
Step 3 – The date. The point of taking a woman out is to get to know her and to impress her. Women are impressed by how much thought you put in (arguably some women are more impressed by how much money you put in, but I’m discussing the masses of amazing genuine women here rather than the gold digging shells who offer you nothing more than eye candy and easy sex so back to the rest of us…) You don’t have to take a girl to the most expensive restaurant in town. Find out a bit about us and put some thought into it. You know she likes Mexican food? Take her to that little hole in the wall with the best tacos in town. If they’re that good, she’ll be impressed you showed her somewhere new! Again, let me be clear, it’s the THOUGHT that impresses. So taking her to the hole-in-the-wall-amazing-taco-
Step 4. Pay the bill. I might spark a little bit of controversy with this one but if we’re honest with ourselves, we do actually want the man to pay, at least on the first date and we always want him to offer. If you want to impress her (even if she’s an “independent career woman” who claims she wants to split the bill!), don’t let her pay for dinner on a first date. (Tell her she can get dessert at the next spot.)
Women notice good manners! If I had a dollar for every time I heard a girl gushing about whether or not “he opened the door for me” I’d be sailing on my 50 ft yacht in the Med by now. Open the doors (including her car door!), help her with her coat, ask her opinion if you’re ordering wine, say please and thank you (to the waiter and the valet too! If you’re faking good manners for your date, we’ll spot it. I went out with a guy who seemed to have lovely manners until he held open the restaurant door for me and let it shut on the woman behind me! Such a turn off). Good manners should be second nature, no matter who you are. Stop wondering why women complain that chivalry is dead in LA, and bring it back to life already!
Don’t drop the manners on the way home. The date’s not over until you’ve walked her to her car or to her front door. (Unless you actually get invited to come in, in which case the date’s not over until you close the front door behind you in the morning!)If you really like the girl then don’t try to sleep with her. It only makes the whole evening feel like an act to get her into bed. Give her a goodnight kiss and ask her out again!
Still lost? All you need to know is repeated for you in every romantic movie ever made. Even when the Titanic was going down, Leo was still treating Kate like a lady… Men over 30, it should be a no-brainer by now. You managed to get through law school, med school, high school, even learning the alphabet in kindergarten..so how hard can it be to learn that good manners and a little bit of chivalry goes a long way with the ladies.
Once chivalry returns, then maybe we can work on bringing romance back too.