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He’s just not that into you. So Move On – Dating in 2012
by Stuart Brazell

Dating in the year 2012 is harder than ever!  Between text, email, IM, Twitter, FB, direct messages and all the online dating websites, you would think it would be easier to communicate.  But this is absolutely NOT true!

Instead men and women spend hours and hours agonizing over all these forms of communication.  A text read the wrong way can ruin someone’s night.  If you reach out to the person you are dating and they don’t get back to you right away, then you start plowing through exchanged emails trying to find some sort of subtext you missed and rethinking past smiley faces and their true meaning.  Next thing you know, you are absorbed searching their Facebook wall for inappropriate posts.

Get a grip people!!  Plain and simple, if someone is into you they make time!!!!  If you want to see someone you FREAKING SEE THEM!  So own up to it and stop making excuses for the people you like.  And this goes both ways!  People, if you aren’t into someone LET THEM KNOW!  Don’t keep cancelling and rescheduling coffee dates saying you are too busy or something came up.  Let’s face it, if the person you like doesn’t make you a priority, then perhaps THEY ARE JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!   So stop wasting your precious time and go meet someone who is and most importantly people, PICK UP THE PHONE!  If you like someone, call them – enough with texting all the time.  Let’s all agree to make more of an effort and send clear signals.

“He’s just not that into you. So Move On” – Miranda

 

Stuart Brazell

 

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Stuart Brazell

Co-Founder of DirtyandThirty.com Stuart Brazell has talent, brains and beauty as distinctive as her name. She’s a fab, fierce, femme who always speaks her mind whether in person or online (just ask her husband). The social butterfly knows how to work a room and dress for every occasion. Equally comfortable on a red carpet or at a yoga retreat, she’s the sassy southern belle who friends call when in need of advice or just plain fun.

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10 Responses to He’s just not that into you. So Move On – Dating in 2012

  1. The online dating stuff is a topic for a screen play. Living in Los Angeles I figured I needed a scientific and mathematical way of vetting out the nut cases that are out here, dating is not the NFL Combine, I can’t ask my date to see how fast she runs the forty-yard dash and then evaluate her based on her time. Theoretically removing all subjectivity and just using raw data as the ultimate yardstick. This is Los Angeles, I needed to see how close I could get at least. The computer does its best to put some linear metrics in as boundaries but artificial intelligence still has a long way to go. I was on Eharmony (I reserved judgement on the Christian undertones figured under the surface its all just algorithms. Its just ones and zeros, it does not get happy, it does not get sad it just runs programmed.) for a year, and it was mix of playing Russian Roulette and sailing on the Black Pearl with Captain Jack Sparrow. You are not quite sure if the computer has a plan or it just makes it up as it goes along. The metrics that are include, height, income, geographic location, along with some other handy stuff. The geographic location is nice because in Los Angeles you can tweak it so there are people closer to you or farther from you. It helps because you can screen out the nut cases from Hollywood. The pictures are kind of funny. On one date I saw a picture of some one who looked very small and petite in her picture, when I met her she was not, she told me six months ago she had crashed a Harley Davidson and been in physical therapy for six months. All I could say was, looks like you are making great progress. I am not a superficial kind of guy, I respected her courage and determination. The other hitch was I had to drive down to Orange County from Studio City at 5:00PM which is is as peaceful as looking for Al Qaeda members in Afghanistan with out being able to call in drone strikes when you need them. So obviously this would not work. Another person I went on at least six or seven dates and there was no spark. The conversation was great we had a lot in common, we would go hiking and do outdoorsy stuff. It just seemed either I couldn’t make the next step or I could not tell if she was interested or not. Unfortunately, I take Ritalin ,and Prozac for my ADD and the search criteria in the software had no checkbox for ADD so it could not tweak its results to find some one that understood and correctly interpreted communication signals under those circumstances. The other part of me figured maybe it was just a bug in the software that had not been found yet. Through the year I never found anybody that really got me, the one silver lining was on one first date, I women took me to the Rose Bowl football game. It was Ohio Sate vs. Oregon, she got the tickets for free from a friend. She was very nice and being from Ohio, Ohio State football is a religion, so I was over the moon. Ohio State won the game and we had a great time. It did not work out, but in the end I got my money’s worth. As far as communication goes, as much as I would like to inject people I date with Sodium Pentathol and hook them up to a lie detector machine, I just can’t. It would be counter-intuitive because they would go home with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. So in the end, I stay positive knowing that as science discovers more how the human brain works and how it interprets various forms of communication, humans beings as whole will grow as a whole to solve these complex issues. I realized a long time ago because of the ADD cupid is going to need something a little stronger than an arrow for me, more like an RPG launcher or drone strike. So it is all just a matter of time and patience. :)

    • Shaney says:

      Im about the same age and ive never had one. To be honest, most of the pepole that i know who dated at a young age didnt have good realtionships. The worked for about a week before they broke up. Personally, id rather have a long meaningful relationship at a late age than a bunch of meaningless relationships at a young age. Hope this helps.

  2. p.s. is video shows the uniqueness of communicating with a lie detector present
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjVVNuraly8

  3. Epilogue

    In the end I wound up going on at least 50-60 dates, with 20-30 different people. I also remembered the women I dated and did not have spark with was also on Prozac, so maybe we did not know how are brains were reacting, so there was no spark because we both pulled the spark plugs out. I learned that the computer is not the evil HAL from 2001 A Space Odyssy. The computer can lead you only so far, sometimes you just have to trust your gut and go for it. I do know the Ritalin I take for my ADD does limit my impulsiveness and puts the brakes on my instincts, in a perfect world, whoever I date needs to tell me when they want me to take it (so I can focus) and when they want me to stay off it (so I can be impulsive and creative.) In short it answers the above question: “He’s just not that into you.” More importantly, it answers the “Why” he is not into you. If the Ritalin has worn off it may look like I am not into you. This is especially a problem when you work during the day and you date at night and the Ritalin has worn off so you miss the important subtle signals. This is hard for a lot of people to swallow because you come off like you don’t care or have no interest when in actually you really do, you just don’t show it in a conventional sense. I do realize how frustrating it can be, I know I probably broke a lot of hearts along the way because of it. In college it was so bad women used to cry over me in front of me at bars if they didn’t take me home, I honestly felt like crap, because I am not an ego guy, I just thought I let them down, then in my twenties I just compromised every now and then because I did not want people crying over me any more. It was breaking my heart. Then once I turned thirty, I wasn’t comfortable with it or the whole friends with benefits thing. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror if I was using people, for better or for worse I care, people are not receptacles. I am terribly torn at the same time because I do try and see the story from their vantage point. Everybody needs somebody that cares about them to whatever extent they need at that given time for whatever struggle or hardship they are going through. I can’t be a jerk and just say you have no self-esteem because they will start crying and I’ll feel like crap. In conclusion, the best solution is to just have patience, understanding, kindness, and open communication.

  4. Darlene says:

    Amen. This drives me crazy with girls. If he’s into you, you’ll know it and if he isn’t, WHO CARES? People take rejection so personally… Your ego is not your amigo.

    No one is amazing enough to be made a priority when you’re not. Period. The root of this epidemic is clearly self-esteem so maybe the attention should be turned to working on themselves and understanding their self-worth before dating is even considered. It’s a waste of time to try and to find a partner before you, yourself, are whole because any type of emotional instability doesn’t magically disappear when you find “the right one”, in fact, it’s MAGNIFIED in a relationship. I know the idea of being rescued sounds easier than putting in the effort to work out those kinks but in this case patience isn’t only the fastest path, it’s the ONLY path.

    • Darlene, thank you, issues like this tear me up on the inside. Because of the ethical dilemma it creates it gives me sleepless nights, especially when its someone I have known for a while and they are down on their luck, usually its the ending of a long term relationship or death in the family. One women even came to me and told me she was in a physically abusive relationship. I went to the bartender and got the phonebook and called the local battered women’s shelter and put her on the phone with a counselor. I had the women who hired me on my film development internship come up to me one night at a party dressed to kill, ask me what I want and then tells me she came out of a four year relationship and was almost on the verge of crying, All I could was just stand there and hold her in my arms. It really gets tough when you can’t quite tell what their interest level is or vibe is. I usually error on the side of caution, ask what they are feeling the next day, its really hit or miss. The video link below sums of a lot my feelings better than words can. I put this in there with all the humbleness and humility I can, It just hurts this bad internally sometimes but their is not much you can do.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pB6K7EUsuSM Thanks again for your kind words.

    • love says:

      Alright, I’ve never had a bf either, but I go to a relugar school. Alot of girls look for guy that haven’t been passed around I guess, and yes it helps that you’ve been at an all guys school, but try to get to know some girls, we’re not that bad, hahaha

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  6. Manolis says:

    I’m sure it’s normal for being at an all boys scoohl. Do you go to church? Hang out with friends that have girlfriends, and ask her to bring their girl friends a long. Meeting through mutual friends is one of the best ways to meet.

  7. Robert says:

    I think American women think too highly of themselves in most instances. After having married a Japanese women I realize just how badly American women age. White women in particular, but all American women to some degree or another.

    A women is probably at her physical peak from around the age of 18, up to the age of 24 or25. After that, the metabolic rate in which fat burns starts slowing down just a pinch. Therefor, you see females who are well passed there physical primes at 32, and 33 years old still seeking the same level of hotness in a man that she was able to snag when she was a much hotter, much younger woman.

    Just my two cents. Middle aged American females need to look in the mirror start aiming for what is realistic in a mate.

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