Juicin’ Ain’t Easy: Part 1


My mom once told me a story about a time when I was about two years old in New York City. Allegedly we were at a really nice restaurant, I fell asleep, and when I woke up, there was a big plate of spaghetti that I immediately attacked yelling, ” SPAGHETTIIIIIIII!!!!!” The whole restaurant looked at me and my mom was mortified because it appeared as if she had never fed me in my two years of life. My reaction to that plate of spaghetti pretty much set the tone for how I would approach every meal for the rest of my life…

I come from a long line of eaters on both sides of my family. I am not the girl who orders a salad on a date… Or ever. I have, on many occasions, been told that I should weigh at least 300 lbs. with the way I eat. Somebody who doesn’t enjoy food is a HUGE dealbreaker. Needless to say, I… LOVE… FOOD.

Although my only attempt at ‘The Master Cleanse’ ended in 9 hours when I had a fit of fury while working my waitressing job, I’ve been wanting to try a juice cleanse for a while. I’ve heard great things about the benefits, and also I’ve been known to formulate ridiculous ideas in my head, forcing me to challenge myself. While I have ZERO willpower when it comes to food, I posses certain superhuman powers in certain situations. Two years ago, I bought a Groupon for the Malibu Half-Marathon three weeks before it was taking place. I had always wanted to run one and I can’t resist a Groupon. I never properly “trained” for it, and never ran outdoors once before it. I also had a few drinks and stuffed my face with tacos from a taco truck the night before. I finished the half-marathon in under two hours, went home to nap, then worked a five hour shift waiting tables. The next day I went to the gym like any ordinary day. Contrary to what most would think, all of that was easier than this juice cleanse.

Me, during happier times.

I’m on day 2 of cleanse #2 from Pressed Juicery, and while it’s not as difficult as I imagined, it’s no hungover/Mexican food baby half-marathon. So far, I’m very pleased with this cleanse. I don’t feel hungry or deprived, but every once in a while, I think about a big, fat, juicy cheeseburger. (That happens about once every hour.) I just have to keep looking at the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue while I drink my aloe vera water.

Next blog coming soon… If I live to tell about it.

Follow me @luchanagatica
Luchana Gatica
I am a 30 year-old comedian/actress/writer and most importantly, dirtyandthirty blogger! I am known for having way too much experience on the single life and making fun of myself.

1 Comment

  1. Here, you’ll like this, its an article on the Michael Phelps Diet. Its 12,000 calories a day. Its nuts, it defies physics. Even when I was swimming competitively, I couldn’t eat this much. This guy ate a pound of pasta for lunch and dinner. I ate a half a pound for dinner only.


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