You’re a little messy. So what?!
Don’t they say that messy people are more creative and intelligent anyway?
I might have just made up the intelligent part, but I’d like to believe that it’s true.
Well, for starters, let’s just say that the messiness will bother the neat person a whole lot more than the messy person will be bothered by well… anything really.
“Messy” people are more commonly laid back; go with the flow type people. While people, who tend to like to keep things in order, are much more of a rigid Type A, play by the rules kind of person.
If you’re a clean freak like my now live-in boyfriend, who now goes by the name “Mr. Clean”, despite his protest.you are not going to be happy to come home to clothes on the floor, ruffled up blankets on an unmade bed, and different items scattered about throughout the place.
To me, that stuff couldn’t bother me any less! To others, it might be really agitating.
One time, I kid you not, the man hid the toilet paper on top of the bathroom light because I wasn’t throwing out the old roll and putting a new one on. He’s held me hostage with cleaning supplies and made me clean before I could go anywhere else! The man loves cleanliness, what can I say.
Messy people tend to make a mess, and then clean up whenever it is convenient for them, or never. Tidy people usually clean as they go or clean up as soon as they make a mess.
If you are the messy person in this situation, you probably won’t even realize you are doing anything to bother your partner at first.
I don’t want to turn into the neat freak that he is, not that I think that that is ever possible. To me, I’d rather spend my free time having fun, relaxing, doing the things that I want to do instead of doing laundry and cleaning out my drawers. BUT everyone has different preference and ways they like things done. Just because I happen to be more of a messy person than he is, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be together!
You have to learn to communicate and compromise. Listen to your partner about why the mess bothers them and it will help you to be more considerate in the future. It wasn’t until he explained to me why certain things bother him or make his life more frustrating, and then I could be more compassionate with his feelings.
I joke that if we had more money, we could just hire a maid and we would have no relationship problems! The truth is, learning how to be considerate of one another and your living space is a necessary step to take in a relationship.
But hey, they do say that opposites attract.
These are 10 things that you will soon learn after moving in with a messy chick:
The pile is an endless mound of clothes in the corner of your room that will never go away. You may clean it up completely occasionally, but a few hours or a day later, it’s back. The pile is a combination of clean laundry that you didn’t feel like folding, clothes you tried on that morning but didn’t end up wearing, and who knows what else.
2) Miss Messy does not ever make the bed in the morning.
Because, what is the point? Aren’t just going to get back in it later? Well, Mr. Clean says that you’ll have a better day if you make your bed and you’ll feel good coming home to a neat space. Um… I think he’s just saying that because he wants me to make the bed. How will making a bed make me have a better day? Also, I’d like to come home to a big pile of comfy blankets and pillows on my bed and just dive in.
3) It takes 2.5 minutes of being somewhere for Miss Messy to create a trail.
Whenever you go somewhere with a lot of things, either traveling, or to a friend or family’s place, it takes about 2.5 minutes for all of your stuff to be sprawled out everywhere. Mr. Clean calls it “The Hurricane”. You don’t know how it happens, it just does!
4) Luggage does not get unpacked for days, or weeks.
Whenever you get back from a trip, your bags don’t get unpacked for days, weeks, maybe months? Ugh, you just got back from vacation! You don’t want to unpack, do laundry, and fold clothes- NO THANKS! You just start pulling things out of the suitcase as you need them. Eventually the bag will be empty, or so you assume. It may be laying there for a month, but it doesn’t bother you.
5) Everything is lost. All of the time.
You really need to get one of those little beeper stickers you can stick on your phone and it will beep, because I lose that… probably every day, a few times a day. Along with the remote control, my glasses, or my car keys.
You have a stack of cups, water bottles, mugs, or some other kind of rubbish collection that have been sitting on your desk or dresser for God only knows how long. You don’t know why, you don’t know how, but somehow there are 56 water bottles on your night stand and under your bed. Why don’t you just throw them out? Eventually you will… eventually.
7) Miss Messy loves her organized mess.
You consider your mess and “organized mess” and you convince yourself you know where everything is and it is just better this way. I try to get Mr. Clean to come to the dark side quite often. I convince him that he shouldn’t worry so much about keeping things clean, but I think messes make him crazy!
Sometimes, he’ll clean my mess before I can a chance (or feel like) cleaning just because he can’t stand the sight of it! I don’t think I will ever understand.
8) When Mr. Clean tries to tidy up after Miss Messy… She can’t find anything.
If someone else cleans up for you, you legit have no idea where any of your things are. When Mr. Clean cleans up my things, I can expect not to find something for weeks or months on end. How am I supposed to know what you thought was a good place to keep my Cajun Shrimp OPI Nail Polish?! He thinks he is helping by cleaning the mess so he doesn’t have to look at it, but in reality, I will probably have to make more of a mess now looking for the things that he has put away. And of course, once he cleans he doesn’t remember where he specifically put things, so that’s no help.
9) Cleaning out your closets is a dreadful, dreadful task.
But it also feels like Christmas morning because you find a bunch of things you forgot you had. This makes Mr. Clean very happy because he gets some more space in our tiny closet that we share. But, you got to convince me to clean out the closet first, which can be a task in and of itself.
10) Every time you try to get serious and get organized, you laugh, because you know it won’t look like that tomorrow.
You try! You do! But there will always be some clashing with a neat freak and a messy person. I don’t like to clean and he doesn’t like to see the mess.
So what’s the solution? Well, if you’re lucky and have more money than I do at the moment, hire a cleaning lady! But if that is not an option, I suggest sitting down and talking about it with each other.
What makes him the most irritated about my messiness? I know I will never completely stop being messy, but if I know the things that really bother him then I can at least make more of an effort with those things.
I am not a conventional thinker. I am super laid back, I don’t have any rules that I abide by, and I really don’t get bothered by much. Let me tell you, opposites really do attract, but it does not come without its challenges. If you want to be together, you’re going to have to figure out how to make this work.
Along with being messy, I am also forgetful. So when Mr. Clean maybe tells me to tidy something specific up when I get home from work and then I forget… yeah, it doesn’t go so well.
One of the ways that I tried to remind myself to do certain things so that he didn’t complain about a mess was to write it all down. I put little sticky notes in our apartment around the things that were specifically a problem or that needed to be cleaned. I felt like an Alzheimer’s patient or a foreign exchange student labeling all of the items in the house so he could learn what the words were in English!
I have to say, it’s been working quite well so far. I mean, I still get home from work and the absolute last thing I want to do is clean, but if I am going to live with someone else… I GUESS it would be nice if I considered his feelings as well.
I still find organization within my own mess, and I work better with that rather than super neat and tidy. While my messes seem completely random to him, to me it is methodical in my own way. Mr. Clean has become a little more laid back on the totally clean perfect apartment dream that is not realistic, and now we have found a sort of, happy medium where we are both comfortable in our home.
A messy lady by nature, it is a good idea for me to try to find a good balance between my usual messiness and feeling like I need to clean up all the time.
I’ll always be Miss Messy, and he’ll always be Mr. Clean, but we can compromise and learn to live together without feeling forced to clean or forced to live in someone else’s mess.