How to Be a Savage Mom in 5 Easy Steps

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Being a mom is a lot of things. It’s fun. It’s exhausting. It’s sneaking chocolate when your kid is in the other room. We all love our kids, but let’s face it, sometimes they can be little brats and you need to hang up the nice-mom hat and let them have it. These ‘savage’ moms keep popping up all over the web, as kids share examples of their mothers and their savage behavior.  Have you ever looked up to one of these moms and wished that you could be one, then you’re in luck.  We’ve come up with 5 easy steps to help you become the savage mom that you’ve always dreamed of.

Step 1 – Give No F#$&#

The first step toward becoming a savage mom is to not give zero f#$&#.  Mom judging is real. But don’t let the haters get your down. The easiest way to do that is to take all your f#&*@, stick them in a box, and push them into the harbor like your own personal Boston Tea Party. You don’t really need them anyway.

Take some inspiration from one mom whose college age kid came home for the holidays and didn’t take his trash out before he left to return to school. To let her dear, sweet boy know that he’d skipped his chores, Savage Mom Terri sent him a care package.  She boxed up all the garbage that he had left and shipped it to him at school.

Step 2 – Keep Your Sense of Humor

You’re not going to be able to claim that savage mom title without an unshakable sense of humor. If you can’t laugh at yourself, then you won’t be able to take anyone laughing at you and your byplays with your kids.

Keep in mind that this is all just a game. It’s no different than the imaginary games that you used to play with your kids when they were too young for a cell phone. (If you’ve given your young kids cell phones before they’ve had a chance to develop their own imaginations, then we might have a bone to pick with you).

Believe it or not, just like those games they played as children to develop their leadership and interpersonal skills, being a savage mom is a good way to help prepare your kids for the kinds of people that they’re going to face in the real world. Social interaction has changed since we were kids, and much of it has moved to social media and text messaging.  It’s a whole new world and it’s up to us to teach our kids how to handle it.

That, above all else, is what being a savage mom is all about.

Step 3 – Learn How to Screen Cap

This is probably the most important step, at least when it comes to the technical side of the savage mom life – learn how to screen cap.  All phones have a combination of buttons that you can press to capture what is currently being displayed on your phone’s screen. It’s incredible how many people still can’t figure this out. This is the key to capturing your unstoppable savage mom moments so they can be shared with friends, family, or the world at large.

How you’ll screen cap these gems of savage mom wisdom will depend on the make and model of your phone. Once you’ve captured the photo evidence of your awesomeness, it will be saved into your phone’s image gallery ready to be shared with the world.

Step 4 – Know that Savage Moms and Asshole Parents are the One in The Same

If you’re not familiar with Asshole Parents – you should be. Anyone familiar with small children and their assholery will be overjoyed by post after post of crying children – usually sprawled out in sadness on the floor – and the reason their Mom or Dad is an #assholeparent. “Because I gave him the lollypop he asked for, I’m an #assholeparent.” Savage moms and #assholeparents are the same thing. Don’t cave in to your child’s demands – or do – and take a moment to record their reactions and disseminate them for funsies. That’s all the savagery you need.

Step 5 – Post and Enjoy

Your final step toward becoming the savage mom that you’ve always dreamed of being is to post your epic wins to social media, parenting sites, or anywhere else that you think people might find it amusing. Send it to friends, send it to family, post it on your Facebook or Twitter feeds, or just send it to the kids involved so they can see your epic savage mom skills.

Just remember step 1 and you’ll be awesome

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Jennifer Landis
Jennifer Landis is a wife, mom, writer, and healthy living blogger. She enjoys longs walks around the block with her toddler, prefers tea over coffee, and eats way too much peanut butter. You can find more from Jennifer on her blog, http://mindfulnessmama.com or follow her on Twitter @JenniferELandis
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