How to Keep Your Sex Life Alive After Becoming New Parents

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As healthy and fulfilling as children are, and as much as you enjoy them in your life, an unfortunate side effect of a new baby is the lack of opportunity to make more kids.

Even if your lovemaking goal isn’t another pregnancy, sex is an important and healthy aspect of your relationship that needs to continue after having a baby.

It can feel like the last thing in the world you want to do, especially as a new mum who’s had a long day with a baby. But taking your own ‘baby steps’ towards regaining intimacy with your partner will pay off by keeping you close and connected as you deal with the new challenges you both face as parents.

So when you could ‘take it or leave it’, what are some of the ways that you can keep the intimacy alive after baby arrives?

Life Changes with a New Child in the Family

The presence of a baby almost certainly tunes down the hotness of a sexual relationship. Morning sickness and discomfort during pregnancy, the birth itself and sleepless nights that follow, tend to take over.

You probably won’t feel very “turned on” when the new addition to your family arrives. There are simply too many practical tasks to be done every day to have the energy to indulge in sex, but don’t throw in the towel. Adapt!

Simple but effective ways to maintain your love life are:

  1. Find a great babysitter – introduce a regular family member, friend or paid babysitter who can take baby out for a couple of hours while you two get intimate and prepare for a night out together. Even if it’s only once a month, make this a regular routine.
  2. Mix your times up – used to be night birds? Perhaps you need to think about squeezing some intimate quiet time in during baby’s afternoon nap.
  3. Make it a date – it sounds a bit corny, but proactively planning a time for intimacy with your partner is much more likely to ensure that sparks fly than if you just leave it to chance. With no planning, there will always be more laundry / cleaning / chores that ‘need to be done’ first.

Think of New Things to Explore in the Bedroom

Before baby, you had the luxury of getting dressed up, looking and feeling awesome, flirting over dinner and drinks and then finally making it home for much anticipated sex.

After baby, you stare at each other across the piles of laundry, maybe manage a smile and flop on the sofa together once your little angel is finally asleep. How can you create an atmosphere of romance in the middle of the domestic drudgery that sometimes takes over with a new baby in the house?

  • Giving each other a massage is always a great idea. It’s a no pressure, enjoyable experience that may or may not lead to sex. Putting hands on each other’s naked skin is intimate and relaxing. It can be a great way to show that you appreciate one and other and you never know, it might just get erotic!
  • Don’t be afraid to share your fears. Having babies can change womens’ bodies. It can also change the way a man looks at a woman’s body. In a neutral setting (not in bed), talk to each other about anxieties or concerns you have about returning to sex. You might find that your partner is worried about how you feel physically, or emotionally, and vice versa. Talking through concerns and addressing them lets you leave them outside the bedroom.
  • Regain your ‘old self’. Having a baby is life changing, but you haven’t stopped being a sexy and sexual woman just because you’re a mum. Buy some beautiful new lingerie, wear your favourite fragrance and flirt with your partner to remind yourself (and him!) of this.
  • Don’t be scared to use some toys! With less privacy and free time on your hands, your bedroom is going to become a much more important playground for all your flirting and foreplay. Adding some adult sex toys to your routine, as simple as a blindfold or massage candle, can prolong your lovemaking and turn it into an event that you both look forward to. Take the time together to explore an adult sex store and find something that will benefit you both.


It’s extremely common for your sex life to slow down a bit after having your first child. But slowing down doesn’t mean it must come to an end. Your time together will be different, but doesn’t have to be any less special and fulfilling than it was before the wonderful gift of a child entered your life.

Dirty and Thirty

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