Guest Post: Jay Tinsley. Straight male advice on how to deal with dudes.
Let’s just lay it out on the table now: women are crazy. You know it, we know it, but since men spend the majority of our time trying to figure out how to get women there’s pretty much no way around it. There are certainly different levels of crazy ranging anywhere from Gisele types saying they look fat to Lorena Bobbit/CYDO (Cut Your D*ck Off) crazy but you all are at least a little unbalanced.
The unseasoned man will blame every relationship mishap on you being crazy whether you’re crying about a thoughtless birthday gift or upset about us choosing Sunday football over a trip to The Container Store with you. I know this because I was once that dude. That is until a good friend of mine asked me for advice because a guy she was dating was not returning phone calls regularly and had proven unreliable with plans. This was before the text messaging revolution. She said that she was trying really hard to keep the crazy at bay but that he was pushing the envelope. This was the first time I’d heard a woman not only acknowledge the crazy but also hold herself accountable for it, if only partially. The more we discussed it the more it occurred to me that not only did I have a role in making women crazy but also that my primary function in a relationship was to keep that crazy at bay.
We have to keep the crazy at bay. Every single thing we do should be aimed at keeping the crazy at bay. Even if a guy thinks Valentine’s Day is stupid and his girl talks some bollocks about not wanting to celebrate does he really want her at work that day fielding questions like, “What do you guys have planned for tonight?” or worse, “He didn’t even send you flowers?!”. I’ve yet to encounter the woman who can deflect those questions without wondering “well, why aren’t we doing anything tonight?”. There is no greater threat to a healthy relationship than other women and I’m not talking about infidelity. All a guy needs is for one woman to start talking about all the sweet things her man does for her and, “All aboard!” the crazy train is leaving the station.
Speaking of other women if a guy really wants the crazy train to derail he should maintain close friendships with girls. For the most part guys don’t really seek out friendships with girls with which there isn’t some sort of attraction. We rarely share the same interests so what’s the point? Even if a girl is into sports do I really want to discuss Michael Pineda’s ERA+ with her? Nope. I’m an anomaly in that I’m able to maintain friendships with women even if we’ve dated or hooked up before. And I’ve argued vehemently with girlfriends that “we were just drunk, it didn’t mean anything” and “I’m with you now and that’s all that matters”. I realize now that those were hollow arguments because it’s likely that under the right circumstances I would do it again. It’s just science. It doesn’t mean that I can’t be in a committed relationship. It just means that if I was attracted to her before I can certainly be attracted to her again. I think women recognize this so for guys it’s imperative that all of our actions signify that our girl is THE MOST IMPORTANT GIRL.
Honestly I have no idea if this is an advice column or just an opportunity for me to rant but I would encourage you women to have an honest discussion with your dudes about the crazy. We appreciate honesty and if you’re going to be talking about feelings at some point anyway it might as well be something we’ve experienced first-hand. And if you’re lucky the dude will tell you what your primary function in the relationship is. But I’ll save that for the next rant.
Check out some of his other advice…