I’m not talking about the ones swiping through Bumble or the women who are fearlessly looking for love. Not the ones who are getting themselves prepared for the person of their dreams or looking for happiness on the outside.
I’m looking for my sisters who are shamelessly single … and happy.
That’s a pretty scary thought, isn’t it? We are not taught as children that we are perfectly whole as we are – that we are complete within our own skin. We don’t expect that we will find the hero within what has been inside us all along: ourselves.
I’ve been through it all. Through the years I was taught that the perfect job, the amazing relationship and the material things would make me complete. There have been periods of my life where I did have it all; yet I still felt lonely.
What was missing? What was wrong with me?
10 years ago, at the young age of 22, I got engaged. It was a beautiful day – my boyfriend and I spent that summer afternoon on his boat, laughing with friends, enjoying our drinks and swimming along the shore.
We decided to take the boat to a nearby restaurant for dinner, and halfway through the trip he stopped. In the midst of my beer buzz, he got on one knee and pulled out a 1.5 carat princess cut diamond. Now, I had expected to move to New York City after college and start a career in fashion. I didn’t picture myself married; I had my sights set on city life, glamour and success.
“Maybe I wasn’t meant to move to NYC.” I thought. Maybe meeting this person was what I had been searching for all along. Maybe he would take care of me. Maybe I would finally be able to feel settled.
After our engagement it didn’t take long for me to realize that the relationship wasn’t enough. We had a beautiful home, financial stability, two vehicles and a lovely boat. Our friends would come over on weekends and marvel at all we had, all we had achieved. Again, it still didn’t feel like enough.
I began to find peace in after-work wine, writing, nighttime TV and working out on the elliptical in the basement. I didn’t find peace with him; I found peace when I was alone.
I was still running, masking my feelings in any way other than being within myself. Though I ended up calling off the wedding and moved to San Francisco, I found myself continuing to run over the next nine years – from city to city, bar to bar, relationship to relationship.
The past two years have been especially unsettling, yet after several confusions, failures and moves, I finally discovered something invaluable: my happiness is within me.
I began to meditate, work on my spirituality, and practice the power of positive thought. Throughout this journey I’ve encountered many obstacles that have distracted me, yet I have found that I can come back to center.
Back to my hero – my own spirit within my soul.
We can be our own hero, and we can find serenity in being able to stand still. Once we find peace within ourselves, we can conquer the world – in or out of a relationship.
Guest Blog: Kristin Fehrman
Kristin Fehrman is a writer, marketer, and 30-something single living beautifully through mindfulness and minimalism. After years of looking to the outside for happiness, Kristin finally found the greatest gift of all: happiness within herself. Kristin’s hope is to inspire others to be brave, confident, and comfortable in their own skin.