You can all relate – I’m sure everyone has had someone tell them, at least once, that they need to let something go. Sounds so easy, right? I have two major goals in my life – to be capable of living it fully and to be able to truthfully let go. I find both of them to be extremely difficult. I could theorize endlessly on why – my personality traits, the experiences I have had in my life thus far, etc. etc. Regardless of the reason, the fact remains, and I have to deal with it somehow.
As I get older, I see that honestly letting go is one of the hardest tasks to accomplish in life. It causes a lot of unnecessary stress and pain to be unable to let go, but seeing that doesn’t make it any easier. Again, I recognize that this has much to do with my past, my fears, my insecurities, and I also see that I am not alone in this. One of the only ways I find comfort in my quarter-life crisis struggles is in knowing that I am not singularly frustrated. I know that I would be a happier and more fulfilled person if I could experience things as they are and then recognize when their natural progression has been completed. I tend to dissect everything instead – I ask myself constant questions, wanting to know, why why why? I am responsible for my own insanity, and yet it is so hard to turn off your brain when you want answers.
Now when I say “letting go”, I don’t mean pretending to yourself and the people in your life that you are over something and simply keeping it all inside. That is what many of us do because it is easier and faster, but it is ultimately extremely harmful to our souls. No, I mean truly accepting someone or something for what it is, appreciating that and the effect it has had on you, and then moving on with no anger, no regret, no need. We all try to let go and hope that we are succeeding, but it takes some real strength, grace, and trust to really do so.
Personally, I try to repeat the Serenity Prayer to myself as a reminder to let go. I know exactly what I should do and what I should feel. I am just not there yet in my personal development. As the years go by, my awareness grows, but I still find myself doing the same ridiculous things in spite of my knowledge. Yes, life is a learning experience – I continue to work towards my goals of really living my life and then being able to really let go. I find that my fear of really living is rooted in the fear that once I take a leap, I’m not able to recover if it ends badly. I know myself, and I know how poorly I deal with hurt and disappointment. I become crippled because of it.
All any of us can do is keep trying, keep pushing, and keep testing ourselves. Otherwise we will never live the lives that we truly want. We are in control of our destiny- we just have to realize it and move forward. Good luck to all of you out there who feel the same way that I do. We just have to keep at it, no matter what.