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Outfits, Accessories, and Hairstyles…Oh My! ‘Straight male advice on how to deal with dudes.’
by dirtyandthirty

Guest Post: Jay Tinsley. ‘Straight male advice on how to deal with dudes.’

I think it’s a good thing that women nowadays care less about what men think.  You’re more apt to make decisions based on your needs, desires, and values; which I believe is vital to thriving in modern day society.  That being said I don’t think you should apply this Rosie the Riveter/Gloria Steinem attitude to outfit choices.  And without further ado here is a list of clothing items, accessories and beauty enhancements that we could live without. 

 

Rompers – They look ridiculous.  It’s something a poor girl in the Deep South might fashion out of a pillow case.  Stop it.

 

Flats – They’re actually quite practical which pleases me.  No more whining because your feet hurt in heels.  Unfortunately they typically cause all sorts of canklage. 

 

High waisted jeans or shorts – Two words: mom butt.

 

Snooki bump-its – Some girls can pull it off but if your forehead is larger than normal you’ll look like a Brachiosaurus.

 

Long plaid shirts or dresses – They’re very sloppy and smock-like as if you’re about to go painting.

 

Tiny dogs – No added value other than something to care for.  Makes us nervous you might pull the goalie so that we can give you something to care for.

 

High top sneakers – Any outfit you wear these with will make you look like a 14 year old boy.

 

Skinny jeans – If done right they can be dope!  If done wrong you’ll look like Oswald Cobblepot from Batman Returns.

 

Hippie hats – Translation = dirty hair.

 

Sheer blouses – I had a crush on Blanche from The Golden Girls growing up and I still think these are inappropriate.

 

Flamboyant lipstick – Please refer to Blanche.

 

Mini bangs, skunk hair, or shaved sections – Believe it or not we care about hair and our preference is that you don’t look like you just auditioned for Waterworld or the California Love video.

 

Excessive jewelry – Mr. T., Flava Flav, Junebug Spade (RIP)…all bad looks for a girl.

 

Breast tattoos – We all want a ride or die chick but this is taking it a bit far.

 

This list is not exhaustive and I’m sure that as Spring comes along I’ll see some new fashion trends that make my blood boil.  I also can’t claim to have the least bit of fashion sense as my typical going out gear includes jeans, flip flops and a vintage beverage t-shirt. 

 

Honestly we want you to care what you look like.  We just don’t want you to take 2 hours getting ready and make us late because of it.  Ultimately it all comes down to presentation and what you wear well and feel confident in.  Despite my aforementioned fashion ignorance I’ve been called upon on multiple occasions to evaluate an outfit before a girl will make a purchase.  Shoot, I even helped a friend pick out her wedding dress though I asked her to never speak of it.  I’m sure it’s nice to be up with the trends and all but if you don’t feel comfortable in the outfit it’ll show.  So not only will you not feel cute, hot, or whatever you were going for but that self-consciousness will make you less attractive to us.

 

PS- I saw yesterday’s article about maxi dresses while they’re pretty fly you should avoid wearing them on windy days because they cling to the nether regions.

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