Let’s just admit it, we all have reality TV shows we are addicted to, but not everyone shares the same guilty pleasures. Against my will, I was forced to lower my IQ and take in a half hour/waste my life watching the new spin off from “Toddlers in Tiara’s”: “Honey Boo Boo.” The show follows an obnoxious 6 year-old and her admittedly red neck family. Before the show even ended I immediately called my pharmacy and refilled my birth control.
In a sing song, almost ghetto twang that makes you wish you were born deaf, this little girl hollers, “Honey Boo Boo child, I’m gonna win the monaaaaay!” Sorry kid, but no you’re not because you is ugly, and even if you did win that money it isn’t going to a college fund because well, you’re an idiot. Her mama June says they used to be the underdog and are moving up…uh I think you only got the 2nd part right- you’re just a dog. June gives awful weight loss advice as well. She advises farting 12-15 times a day to help you lose weight. You know I’m totally cool with farts, but someone needs to tell June it’s more than a fart- she just crapped her pants on TV!
I absolutely lost a few brain cells watching this show. The program also doubles as a PSA for why you shouldn’t do drugs while pregnant. Before pageants June feeds her child a concoction of red bull & Mountain Dew, which she’s named GoGo Juice. I’ve re-named: “prepping my kid for a meth addiction!”
When these pageants don’t work out, let’s be honest we know she’s gonna fail, hopping on the pole will be the next natural move. At 6 this brat’s already got a stage name! Next up…Honey Boo Boo child!