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Gossip Girl Recap: Season 5, Episode 16. Cross Rhodes
by Jillian Patrice

Previouslies: Blair shows her love for Chuck by making out with Dan. Chuck banged Allesandra. Chivy and Charlotte/Lola meet.

 

Between running errands with Blair and avoiding Serena’s phone calls, Dan found time to write a new book proposal. It’s an “alternative history of Manhattan as a Monarchy”. Wow, I guess there was no shortage of pretentious ideas out there! It won’t be smooth sailing, however, because Chuck is out to get him, and he’ll bang boring Allesandra to get the job done.

 

Serena and Blair are in a tiff about who gets to be the proud girlfriend of that majestic pouf of Humphrey hair. They sit down to eat a ridiculous breakfast – tarts, fruit, and a bucket of boiled eggs. Dorota, determined for them to see past their issues, locks them in the breakfast nook. Blair suggests that she can convince Serena of her non-feelings for Dan by spending the day with him (hmmm).

 

Chola and Nate are sharing nescafe. She starts to grill him about Chivy. Chola, as you may remember, is a woman of the craft, and is performing Inside at Upright Citizens Brigade (UCB). What a funny coincidence, as the novel is about all these people she just met and – spoiler alert – is related to. Chola, flexing her acting chops, asks to borrow Nate’s phone and sneak attack calls Chivy. She accuses Chivy of identity theft. Chivy’s argument is a weak “drop it”.

 

Everyone in this episode has green nail polish, except for boring Allesandra who opts for “clear”. After swapping Dan’s book proposal with a fake one, Chuck shows up at Allesandra’s office to distract her from reading the proposal with those magnetic Bass eyes.

 

Blair is on a mission to prove that she does not give a shit about Dan by following him to the UCB rehearsal. She takes a G-rated pic of them and sends it to Serena. Serena is actually delighted by this, and heads down to the theater to hang out. When she gets there, Blair and Dan are performing an outrageous “stage kiss” which we all know means more. Serena has a knack for showing up at JUST THE RIGHT TIME, sees the kiss, and stomps out.

 

Meanwhile, in the Hamptons, CeCe is being transported to the hospital. As Chivy is trying to sneak out the back door, CeCe spots her and begs her to go to the hospital with her. Chivy has to make a choice between her devotion to her fake family, and her devotion to not getting caught in her giant lie. Rich Grandmother wins!

 

A post-coital Chuck and Allesandra and draped over each other in her office chair. I thought what he had planned was “going to take all afternoon”. That was like 11 minutes. Allesandra peels herself from him and calls Dan’s publisher – they received the manuscript that Chuck planted – it was plagiarized!

 

It is now the confrontation portion of the episode…

1. Chola confronts Carol about Chivy. Ivy admits she was paid to be a Rhodes.

2. Dan confronts Chuck about sabotaging his book proposal. It’s clear that it’s about Blair, which makes Dan realize that he actually has a shot with her.

3. Serena confronts Ivy about her long-con deception.

4. Blair confronts her feelings about Dan. She gives in and admits that there is something there (forgetting the fact that she is also in love with Chuck and actually married to another man).

 

Don’t count Chuck out of the game yet. Gossip Girl sends him the proof that is was Dan that sent the damning video of Blair. And, the reign of hellfire continues, Ivy pulls out Georgina’s number.

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