LA Fitness. 24 Hour Fitness. Gold’s Gym. Crunch Fitness. Equinox. Muscle Beach.
Anywhere a pullup, bench press, squat or deadlift can possibly be managed. Also anywhere they can show off their fitness, i.e. the beach, the gymnastics rings at the beach, the volleyball court at the beach, the pool, or any other place they can get away with being half-clothed.
He loves to wear anything that will show off his physique. He lives at the gym, so he is usually in workout gear. Weather-appropriate, of course. In the summer, he dons shorts, sneaks, and tiny tanks – or goes shirtless if possible. Come winter, it’s sneaks again, sweatpants, the tiny tank under a hoodie, and a beanie. It is hard for this dude to find regular clothes that fit his massive body. Jeans are all too tight in the ass and legs (oh darn…), shirts are too small in the collar and cling in the pits. This guy looks great naked, but simply weird in clothing.
He may waddle a bit when he walks because all that muscle simply gets in the way of normal activities. He cannot touch his arms to his sides and probably cannot touch his ear to his shoulder either. He thinks he looks amazing, but there is absolutely no practical utility to all those ridiculous muscles.
ALL HE TALKS ABOUT is his workout and his diet. Ladies, prepare to muzzle him and take advantage. That is all you’ll want to do after he opens his mouth for about five minutes. Oh, you just did a cleanse? You are on the paleo diet? I DON’T GIVE A SHIT. You shut up and I’ll lick your abs. Deal?Red Flags:
Are you willing to spend all your time eating chicken, broccoli, and brown rice? Do you love the gym…and I do mean love? Are you alright with spending every waking hour burning calories, counting calories, or thinking about calories? If not, this is probably not the dude for you. It is a double-edged sword, my dearies… what attracted you to him in the first place will be what drives you away in the long run. That’s right, his insane dedication to his physique. It seems like a nice fantasy to date a guy who looks like that, but who really wants a boyfriend who spends more time in the mirror that his girl does?
Also, there are always all those other superficial girls that you are going to have to fight off. A gym rat has groupies of a whole different breed, and they are all hopped up on energy drinks and ready to destroy you.
How To Handle Them:
If you are as into fitness as he is, you’re golden. You can dissect each other’s workout routines and spot each other during sets. You can follow the same meal plan and pump each other up via motivational texts and tweets. Everyone else will vomit, but you will be blissful and super fit together…until someone gets injured. Then it might all fall apart. If you aren’t into fitness, you probably won’t keep him for long…unless you are somehow naturally superhot without working out. Just flatter him constantly and he might forget that you can’t keep up with him on the incline bench. It also might help if you are super super tan.
“I wouldn’t usually eat this…it’s my cheat day.” “I’ll be there in a minute, I just gotta make a protein shake.” “I don’t drink. Alcohol slows down your metabolism.” “Dude, I was doing my pull-ups with a 50-lb plate strapped to my waist yesterday… no big deal.” “No sugar, no dairy, no refined carbs.” (No fun.) “Crossfit is the best!”
“I can’t go on vacation unless there is a sweet-ass workout facility available.” “Steroids? This is all natural…really.”