An open letter to the enlightened gals at Dirty And Thirty:
First let’s all begrudgingly admit one simple fact true at birth and still true today…each and every one of us ‘burp’ from both our mouth and rear end.
Regarding the latter, what most women dismiss as a disgusting but necessary basic body function highly offensive to every human sense (and sensibility), all men find laugh out loud funny.
While proper etiquette dictates that we contain these persistent and putrid proclivities, both time and gas both mockingly ‘pass’ without first seeking our consent. It’s time we fully digest this rancid reality and embrace a new paradigm for the socially fragmenting function derisively known as “the fart”.
Both research and common sense indicate that we collectively embrace freeform flatulism. Consider this, have you ever actually felt worse after making sweet (albeit stinky) music through your anal acoustics? Farting not only releases unwanted gas from our intestines but actually has been proven to reduce blood pressure.
The uninhibited expulsion of Frequency Actuated Rectal Tremors (which occur about 14 times per day for both men and women alike) also strengthen your core stomach muscles and contribute to a regular poop cycle. Just think, every time you crop dust you’re simultaneously working out your abs and getting lean!
But the best part of the fart is that they actually can be ignited (aka: ignarting or pyroflatulence) due to the combination of flammable gasses evacuated from your colon.
So go ahead and let ‘er rip. You’ll be promoting healthy behavior and have some fun along the way.