Taking Your Online Dating Profile “From Fizzle to Sizzle”
By John Netto
Twitter: @JohnNetto
With the New Year upon us and Valentine’s day just six weeks away, the search for companionship has a clear catalyst. But searching for someone to cuddle during the colder winter months is daunting. Consequently, many of us turn to online dating sites. With such a large number of people using online dating services to meet people, standing above the crowd can present tremendous opportunities to meet that special someone you might not meet through traditional methods.
Yet, courting online has its own unique set of challenges. One in particular is finding the most effective way to convey your attributes in order to attract the right type of person. Then that watershed moment arises as we stare at the blank screen, the cursor mocking our hesitation, “What do I say?”
Let’s take another perspective and sing another tune. There is a solution building a powerful online dating profile that can be summed up in four words …
“Tell me a story”…
And, tell it to me quickly. Our media culture focused on instant gratification exacerbates our A.D.D personalities. The reality is that most of us don’t stay on one subject for very long. As a repeat offender of having at least two web browsers open (each with 6 tabs) while surfing an online dating site, if a profile doesn’t seize my attention, then in the blink of an eye I’m onto someone else.
Below is my Match.com profile that I am using here in NYC. The story is based on an experience that happened to me a few years ago, and I decided to share it with anyone who stopped by to check out my profile. The response was overwhelming:
About Him & Who He’s Looking For
Into the subway car walked the quintessence of a Manhattan woman. She was unapologetically confident, meticulously fashioned, and carrying the hottest accoutrement I had ever seen – a novel written in French. My world stopped. I had to talk to her or suffer through the anguish of “what could have been”.
At the time I was a neophyte to NYC subway protocol, but there was an unmistakable energy compelling me to migrate closer. My two colleagues, fixated on the turmoil in the markets of Fall of 2008, continued talking. However, my half-hearted attempts at participating in their dialogue distracted me from pursuing my true interests.
Suddenly, as quickly as she came, she departed. I commented, with a defeated tone to my market buddies, that the woman who had just walked off was exactly the kind of lady I would love tocourt. As my curiosity got the better of me, I looked in the direction she was walking and saw she was boarding the subway across the platform. Simultaneously, she turned around and our eyes met…she gifted me a blithe smile and I took that as my cue to proceed.
I informed my confreres, “I’ll be seeing ya”…confidently walking across the platform it dawns on me I have no clue as to what I’m going to say. I had never done anything like this and my heart was racing to the point it felt like it was going to explode.
In the few seconds before approaching my moment of truth, I reflected on what my success coach espouses, “the best thing to do or say is often the most uncomfortable at the time”. No truer words have ever been spoken, or more difficult to follow…
As I boarded the subway, she looked up at me with a huge smile… “I had to come over and say hi, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight…Now you wouldn’t want that on your conscience would you?” was what I ultimately reconciled myself to say, as I tried to channel my Inner-Casanova…
The fellow passengers were being treated to a scene out of a romantic comedy. In the course of attempting to impress this young lady, our conversation had managed to aggregate quite an audience. So now the pressure to perform added to the moment.
She asked me where I was from, as she would later disclose “NYC guys don’t make moves like that”. I informed her I had just moved from California eight days ago and was instantly in love with NYC, the people, and the energy.
Before I could ask another question, my believed-to-be abandoned colleague narrowly boards the train and proclaims in his Russian accent, “John, you have three stops to close her!”. Our damsel incredulously raised her eyebrow and says with a certain NYC swagger, “No John, you have one stop to close me!”…
Following an exchange of information, this memorable experience added one final Manhattan twist. She shared with me in a later phone call she was a lesbian and smitten with her muse in Texas…Alas, our protagonist continues on his journey…
With warmth and love, One Shot in Life
The problem with many online dating profiles is that they contain too much information and too little inspiration. The profiles don’t capture anyone’s attention! By sharing my story on my profile, I convey my attributes in a memorable way: spontaneous, romantic, intelligent, courageous, decisive, and loves NYC. If the reader can deduce your attributes through a memorable story, then you can increase your chances of attracting the type of match you desire.
John Netto is single and lives in NYC and Las Vegas as a commodities trader, sports bettor, and dating consultant. John is an author, speaks Japanese and Chinese, and appears regularly on financial media stations such as Fox Business, CNBC, and Bloomberg. His direct email is jnetto@osoktrading.com and can be followed on twitter @JohnNetto
John, great post. In our world of senseless noise and cliches there’s nothing but a excess of meaningless conversation going on – especially when it comes to the dating scene. I love what your story brings to the table. A much deeper encounter for a potential partner to see who you really are, rather than what they think you might “want”.
I’m not in the dating game anymore but I assure you, after taking a similar approach to what John is explaining here, I managed to not only “court” a beautiful woman, but also marry and create a wonderful life.
After all, if you are on a dating site, isn’t that what you really want – a great relationship with someone who you can passionately relate to?
Otherwise go back to the bar look for the “easy” one. A few drinks and your good to go…
But that’s not what you want…so listen to John. And APPLY his suggestions.
Who knows…your story may lead to inspiration…inspiration to conversation…conversation to a long term relation…I think you get the point.
And the point is that it ultimately leads you away from lonely masterbation…
Ok enough already. I got carried away with the rhyming.
So here’s what you do…Read the post again. Apply the “technique”. Reap the benefits.
Then come back for another serving of Dirty and Thirty…
Thanks for sharing John. My single buddies are gonna eat this up!
Andrew.
The problem with many articles like this is that they contain too much inspiration and too little information.
This is all find and good. It’s a great article. But if a guy reads this he’s gonna hurt his head trying to figure out what the hell to do to make this “perfect” profile and either get nowhere or create a try-hard and not workable profile.
I have some buddies that are PROs at this online dating stuff and to tell you the truth, learning it from them, they talk about all this, but then they TELL you and SHOW you how to do it, and the truth is most of the time these flowery profiles that guys create at first are WAY off base.
Just sayin.
Then again, if people talked about what works Specifically, it might not work for very long because everyone and their brother would be doing it, so I guess it’s good for me that people are out writing confusingly inspirational articles like this so what I do can work a lot more…
Ronnie -
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Thanks for the spirited post and warm words regarding the article (nice spin on the inspiration/information context
I have a different perspective on three of your points. The first in terms of these flowery profiles being way off base, the second regarding how this may hurt a guys head trying to create a perfect profile and lastly the idea that there is a scarcity of opportunities out there if everyone wrote confusingly inspirational articles.
The ultimate goal here is “attraction enhancement”. We all have things we are passionate about. Things which collectively stir the soul. It’s an exercise to reconstruct those events unique to all of us, but one which can pay huge dividends. Like anything else in life, one can put in average effort and get average results, or one can live a little more outside their comfort zone and really put themselves in a situation to grow.
In terms of guys not being up to the task. One need not be a Hemmingway to create a compelling profile which touches people. Sometimes a witty once sentence summation of a facet of their life can suffice. For example, on the Match.com part which asks if I have pets. My response is “Both of my cats are very unique…One can do back flips, while the other plays the piano…It’s quite a show and makes the hamsters on the Geico commercial look rather pedestrian…”
The above is obviously a playful response to the question but demonstrates confidence and a bit of a funny edge towards the prospective reader. Again, if someone who reads this doesn’t identify with this then that’s OK. But it’s also a sign we probably won’t mesh well and the profile serves as a nice qualifier.
In terms of articles like this being confusingly inspirational (again, very colorful combination of those terms). This article is pretty straight forward. Using stories versus the more traditional linear writing approach will give you an advantage in both engaging the reader and finding someone who you will have a connection, as the demographics I have dealt with in NYC are extremely astute and intelligent.
Good luck in your dating endeavors, Sir…:)
John
Wow, great article and conversation. I was on harmony for a year and I was at the mercy of the computer algorithm. (tongue and cheek humor here) Sometimes it worked like a charm, like this is the computer that landed the latest Mars rover and survived the seven seconds of terror when not even NASA knew if it would work until it sent back the signal. Sometimes it was “Hal” from 2001 a Space Odyssey. I found I could tweak the computer settings so it matched by height and geographical requirements. Sometimes it was straight out of the film “Duce Bigalow Male Gigolo.” Hal sent me out to Orange County to meet someone that looked nothing like her picture. I had a very nice conversation and a great cup of coffee, but I could tell this one would not work. I soon instructed “Hal” to keep it with in a five mile radius. Sitting through three hours of traffic in Los Angeles is not a good start to a relationship. (Unless cupid junks the arrow and leaves an IED in your path and you happen to drive over and you fall in love to the point where you need to be committed to the psyche ward at UCLA) (in case this is misunderstood in anyway since this is the internet, this is more tongue and cheek humor). It basically comes down to the algorithm can’t make you fall in love. It can give you options, but it can’t land the rover on mars for you. You gotta fly it manually at some point. Again great articles and conversation.