How To Make Your Committed Relationship The Best It Can Be Without Talking About It!

Dirt of the Day

Guest blog: Cory B. Honickman

Did you know that over 75% of the way we relate to one another is based on non-verbal communication? For so long, all we hear from relationship “gurus” and experts is “good communication is the key to a successful relationship.” It’s true, but most of the time, they either don’t tell us what they mean by that or they try to teach us talking and listening skills that they say will do the trick. Granted, knowing how to give and receive verbally is an important skill to have in order to get along at your optimal level… but, even more important, based on researched fact, is being able to use your non-verbal skill to seal the deal! Lets take a closer look at some non-verbal communication we may not be conscious of when hangin’ with our honey:

  1. Posture makes a huge statement when relating to others. If you’re slouched over and leaning back, what are you saying? To me, it most likely means that your disinterested or too tired to really focus on what’s going on. On the other had, if your sitting up straight and leaning in to your lover, even if your just eating a meal together, without saying a word, you’re communicating “I want to be close to you and see every feature that your face has to offer.” Be careful not to be too much in their face though… give them some room to eat…lol!
  1. That brings us to facial expressions. You’re out together for a social night at a friend’s birthday party. You glance across the room and notice your partner  standing at the bar. As he/she is about to turn their head in your direction, you decide you’d like to send them a message with a look. What do you do? Look in the mirror and practice some facial expressions that send a message that you’d want your honey to see that says, “I am the luckiest person in the world to be here with you! You are so sexy!” Then, try it next time you’re out… worst comes to worse, you’ll get a good laugh out of it when you tell them about your plan later :o)
  1. A hand signal or handshake can be an amazing tool for couples to use to communicate without speaking. My honey and I have a handshake that we use to remind us not to argue about petty things. If either of us feels anger being triggered, we take a deep breath and stick out our hand to do the handshake. When we see that hand, we know what it means and it works almost every time!
  1. Sweet gestures say more than any words could EVER say! When sharing a dessert, giving your honey the last bight or the bigger half tells them that you are more important than food. Walking to the front door when you hear your spouse coming home after work and greeting them with a big smile, kiss and hug can set the stage for a lovely evening together. One of THE BEST gestures is to send a fun gift basket or extravagant floral arrangement to your honey’s work, it always feels good for co-workers to know that you are truly loved and have a great home life!

So remember, talking can sometimes be overrated. Show your love more than you say it and watch as your relationship gets better and better!

Lots of Love,
Cory B. Honickman, MSW, CLC 
Doctoral Candidate 
(Office) 1-323-375-6831 
Chat With Me 
Twitter: @DrCoryBeth
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You Can Learn: 
The 7 Principles of a Happy Marriage  
The Top 10 Most Common Emotional Needs  
How to Discover Your 5 Most Important Emotional Needs
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1 Comment

  1. Okay, I gotta play devil’s advocate here with some obvious tongue and cheek humor. For those of us guys that are on anti-depressanents and usually don’t emote a whole lot or give off the vibe that we don’t, I present to you ten ways of getting through to us.

    1. You need help with something: Come to our window with a flare gun.

    2. You need attention of some kind, come sit on our lap, if it works for the dog, it will work for you.

    3. You want flowers at work: leave a bag of fertilizer next to the bed (preferably a very large an ostentatious one)

    4. You had a fight with one of your girlfriends and want to kill them and don’t want to talk about it: Walk around like velociraptor dinosaur.

    See Link

    5. We are late for something and you want us to hurray up: Hold up Flavor Flav’s clock necklace see link

    6. You and your girlfriends went out and tried that new mexican restaurant and you had refried beans and don’t want to tell us: Leave a level 3 hazmat suit on our side of the bed.

    See link

    7. We have to go help your parents do something and I can’t stand them and they can’t stand me: leave out the short sword of the Samurai warrior so I can commit Seppuku (ritual suicide) and at least die with honor. See linksō

    8. You are pregnant and don’t know how to tell us: Get a stuffed animal of a stork and a container of Xanax and leave it next to our smart phone and or laptop.

    9. Your overcooked our favorite dinner and burnt it to crisp and don’t know how to tell us: Call the fire Dept. and have them come over and tell us, they are usually good guys and we might get a free beer.

    10. You had a bad day at work and you hate guys because of it and want to take it out on us sexually and don’t want to talk about it: leave the hand cuffs by our side of the bed and we’ll be nice and take one for the team for you.

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