Previouslies – Dan is down, Liz and Nate are out, Serena is online, Blair is in the know about Louis, and Chuck is on his knees.
Let me start out by saying that this episode was terrible. I’m really not a hater, but c’mon. Another black-and-white dream sequence? Another masquerade party? If we keep heading in this direction, this time next year there will be a wedding, a coma, and two people trapped in an elevator and they have to deliver a baby.
I still enjoy Blair, especially when she berates Dorota’s culture and questions her citizenship. Blair is concerned about Chuck’s new altruistic persona. She’s convinced that the only reason he would go through this charade (the dog, the philanthropy, the good Christian temperament) is all a ploy to get her back. I love this logic, and plan to use it in my own life. Why does my mailman drop my stuff on the floor and no one else’s? Because he LOVES ME, obviously. Why does CVS keep calling me about my prescription? Because I’m SEXY, duhhhhh.
Nate is still hopelessly devoted to Liz Hurley. He wants a real commitment, but she keeps stringing him along. We start to get a few more hints about Liz’s secret boss – who holds the key to why she is playing puppet master on the Upper East Side. While on the phone with him she vows to keep Nate and Serena trapped in her web. Things that make you go, hmmmm.
Dan’s book tour continues despite the fact that the whole world is over him and his book. He’s in Vermont, skyping with Rufus and Lily. Serena buzzes past during the obligatory family brunch, and is successfully icy to him. I have already forgotten why she is pissed at him, but it doesn’t really matter anyway, does it?
Maybe Serena is just down because no one is reading her blog for the Spectator. I mean with headlines like, “How to seduce your teacher” and “Five easy tips to ultimate self-absorption” it’s a wonder she hasn’t been syndicated. Serena’s plan is to write a blog so fantastic that it steals Gossip Girl’s thunder.
The staff meetings at the Spectator must be like a college party where you have made out with too many people there. It’s tense, it’s kind of embarrassing, and everybody knows too much about your business. Remember that Nate is sleeping with Liz, but Chivy has made out with Nate. Nate is starting to get into Chivy, but Liz is riding her ass about it. To make matters worse, Chivy has this ex boyfriend, Max, who she abandoned in LA and he JUST MET SERENA on the sidewalk. Welly, welly, well… it looks like were in for a bit of the old ultra-violence!
Have you ever heard of Sleep No More? If you are not living in NYC, or not watching this episode of Gossip Girl it may have slipped under your radar. It’s an interactive theater experience where the entire audience wears masks and follows the actors through floors of a warehouse.
Liz is taking this opportunity to poke her favorite Chivy voodoo doll. She is coordinating her players so that Max will discover Chivy’s double life while simultaneously embarrassing Serena. Meanwhile, Blair spots Chuck snacking on some candy and subsequently seduces him. Let me just tell you, if you are trying to seduce me, candy is definitely the way. They kiss, she slaps him, and Dorota sees the whole thing. Poor Dorota has to wear her maid’s outfit everywhere she goes, it’s a little depressing. Downstairs, Liz continues her game of truth or dare and makes Chivy kiss Max. The whole thing unravels and everyone gets hurt. It’s all emotional Jenga at the masquerade.
Rufus visits the Brooklyn loft, presumably to clean his waffle machine, and finds Dan. Dan bears his soul about his feelings of failure. Perched on the side of his bed, Rufus gives his best Danny Tanner wisdom to little DJ. Don’t let the Kimmy Gibblers of this world get to you, Dan.
Liz Hurley gets reallllll bitchy with Chivy. She fires her and assures her that she’s about to blow up her story. It’s about time! But still, Chivy doesn’t leave. She’s pacing in Serena’s room looking for support from her fake cousin. Serena dispenses her standard, “follow your dreams”, “be the master of your destiny” bullshit and Chivy buys it.
Speaking of “buying it”, Liz tells Nate that they should try to be equals. HAHAHAHAHA. Just sit with that for a minute. Liz has a final conversation with her boss, and he says, “You’ve done a fine job rehabilitating my grandson’s image”. Say what??
And finally, Max – the new skeez in town, has found Gossip Girl and learns the truth about Chivy. Wrapping it all up – Chivy is out, Chuck is in, and Liz is all over it. Until next week!