Gossip Girl Recap. Episode 8: Rhodes to Perdition

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Previouslies: Grandpa Archibald takes over the Spectator, Max is back in town and he won’t take no for an answer – even from Serena, Chivy has mommy issues, and Blair and Louis are on a break.

Episode 8: Rhodes to Perdition

Let us all shake our collective groove things in honor of CeCe Rhodes at the Studio 54 Anniversary Party. As much as I love the disco theme – let’s not forget that CeCe is Lily’s mother. So if she was blowing lines alongside Mick Jaggar and Rick James in 1977, that would make her about 55 years old. If she had Lily when she was 20 that would make Lily 35. And unless Lily had Serena when she was 15, all the jumpsuits and afros in the world won’t get me to believe this BS. Sorry Gossip Girl, I know how math works.

 

Serena, delighted to have caught a new man in her web, goes on a 24-hour date with Max. On quite the high, they make plans to hang out again and bake a cake (nope, not even innuendo – a real cake!)

 

This episode was delightfully Dan Light. Narcissism + Paranoia = Dan’s character motivation as he creates a fake twitter handle to fight for his own reputation. Snooooze. Next.

 

Newly minted Editor Nate gives his first speech to the troops. Oh boy. Could you imagine what that might be like? You’re at work and a 20-year-old suddenly takes the stage to talk about “Making Changes” and “Real Reporting”. I would be on suicide watch.

 

I love that Max has turned instantly evil. Just weeks ago he was this mild mannered lovesick puppy. He is determined to relieve his own pain and suffering from his Chivy break up by blackmailing her. He even uses Serena as insurance – that’s some cold shit right there! But Chivy can’t just throw some money at it and make it go away – CeCe has put a block on the trust fund. FFFffffuuuuuu—

 

Blair could star in her own episode of True Life: I Am Obsessive Compulsive. God woman, just let Chuck do his thing. Must you pick at this scab again? She spends the entire episode following Chuck around to find out how he transformed from Le Freak to C’est Chic. She’s there for his private yoga instruction (performed in a three piece suit, of course) and at his therapy session. As it happens, Blair looks as though she has a silent breakdown when Chuck reveals that he returned her engagement ring. Ergo – being without her is what is making him a better person. Blair Waldorf is man poison.

 

In order to screw CeCe out of her money (well, the money that I’m sure she screwed some ex-husband out of) Carol and Chivy concoct a story about trying to buy an apartment. CeCe calls bullshit, but then gets suddenly dizzy. Dr. Chivy sees her pills and, with a knowing look, says, “I know someone who took those pills”. In exchange for keeping her secret, she sanctions the trust fund money.

 

Nate gets a hot tip (hehehehee) that his cousin Trip’s wife is playing ‘all hands on deck’ with her sailing instructor. Yep, of all the sailing sexual euphemisms I chose that one. This is the very Trip who had an affair with Serena. Nate is shocked and suspicious about this – when Trip was running for office it was Maureen that implemented a comedy of charades to make the public sympathize with Trip. Nate’s finely honed reporting skills are put to the test – will he do right by Trip or the public? Queue the dramatic music.

 

Carol, who even in a dress looks and walks like a man, overhears Lily talking shit and is all, “Say it to my face!” Serena eavesdrops and finally hears the Charlie/Ivy back-story. Realizing that she’s being used, she sets it up so Max and Chivy will have to have it out in front of her. Disco Inferno, Bitches!

 

Blair tastes cakes for her probable but not definite wedding. I’m not married, or even close to getting married, but I love cake. If there is a dude out there who wants to propose to me and then dump me after the free wedding cake tasting, let’s talk. Chuck shows up, and wants to know why she walked out on therapy. The Chuck and Blair will-they-or-won’t-they is getting tedious.

 

Serena’s plan to blow up Chivy and Max’s scheme slightly backfires as all the excitement induces CeCe’s fainting spell. Chivy ends up on top with some improvisational lying. Max is exiled and the Rhodes girls celebrate through the magic of disco. A self-assured Chivy crowns herself the mayor of Funky Town.

 

Jillian Patrice
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